We put together a list of costume ideas for if you’re more meme queen than scream queen
While it might feel like only yesterday that we were last carving pumpkins and turning off the lights so our doors didn’t get egged by eight year-old Trick or Treaters gone wild on sugar, Halloween is almost upon us once more. If you’re anything like us, that means you’ll have left it until the last possible minute to come up with a witty, unique, and timely costume that will put all the sexy witches and slutty cats to shame. No pressure.
Luckily, though, 2019 has been a bumper year when it comes to the berserk, with hundreds of people descending upon a desert in Nevada with the intention of ‘seeing them aliens’, Peppa Pig being outed as standing at an enormous seven feet and one inch (frankly terrifying), and a whole bunch of salmon finding themselves propelled through a tube at high speed with no clue as to WTF is going on.
With that in mind, if you’re still on the look out for a last minute lewk (spooky or otherwise), we’ve put together a list of the weirdest, wildest, most 2019 concepts you could definitely cobble together with stuff from your own wardrobe and v little £££. Back away from the bargain store devil horns, because we’ve got you covered.
RIIIIISE AND SHIIIIINE
The viral video of Kylie Jenner singing to Stormi has been remixed (s/o Ariana Grande), rehashed, and memed to within an inch of its life, and still it isn’t getting any less funny. For this look, though, we’re going back to the source, and the picture of Kylie herself posted to her IG which saw her face Photoshopped onto the sun from Teletubbies. All you need for this look are some yellow clothes, a bold lip, and some pretty heavy contouring (baby doll optional). FYI: $3m Bugati and Birkin handbag collection not included.
A KARDASHIAN KLOSET MANNEQUIN
I think we can all agree that the mannequins on the Kardashian’s resale site are pretty terrifying – if you saw them all lined up in a dark store at night, you’d definitely be in horror movie territory. What’s not so terrifying is the lack of effort it would take to recreate the look. Use makeup to create that plasticy mannequin appearance then scrape your hair back as tight as you can, or go all the way out and wear a bald cap. Clothes-wise, well… the site is full of generic black dresses, so just throw on whatever and voilà: you’re good to go.
IT’S…… REBEKAH VARDY’S ACCOUNT
Who could forget the WAGatha Christie saga, Coleen’s now-infamous Twitter takedown, in which she announced that, using sleuth-like investigative skills, she had figured out who had been leaking stories to the newspapers about her, ended with “It’s…….Rebekah Vardy’s account.” Mic-drop. The phrase has since inspired countless memes and t-shirts. If you want to give this concept a go yourself, simply write the phrase on a piece of cardboard and dress up like Coleen, or pair up with a Vardy-channelling friend and glare at each other over a huge pair of sunglasses all night.
A SEXY ALIEN FROM AREA 51
Searches for ‘alien’ on Pornhub shot up by 217 per cent in July this year, so for once, ‘sexy alien costume’ is not just another cliché Halloween gimmick. Don your space boots, green body paint, and silver mini dress and get out there and be the best slutty extraterrestrial you know you can be. ET? Yeah, extra-thotty.
CHRISTIAN GIRL AUTUMN
Thanks to Megan Thee Stallion, we all had our fun in the hot girl summer of 2019, but, as the leaves begin to fall from the trees, it’s time to fold the thotty clothes away (never!) and repent, because Christian Girl Autumn is now upon us. What’s needed? A cream sweater, skinny jeans, and a pair of ankle boots with a sensible heel, as well as a brown, tonal handbag and a wholly live, laugh, love attitude. Bible optional but highly recommended.
THE FISH TUBE
Remember that moment in the middle of the summer when we collectively lost our minds over a fish flying through a tube? The innovative system allows fish to whoosh over dams in seconds rather than have to struggle for days at a time, but aside from being totally practical and probably q a lovely relief for the fish involved (we guess?), it is also fucking hilarious. Don’t we all wish we could fly through the air like that at some time or another? Find a fish scale print outfit then get creative with how you make the tube: a DIY clingfilmed contraption or a kid’s pop-up tunnel ought to do it.
30-50 FERAL HOGS
Legit question for rural Americans - How do I kill the 30-50 feral hogs that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small kids play?— Willie McNabb (@WillieMcNabb) August 4, 2019
Don’t worry if you don’t have 30-50 friends to do this costume with, because a) who has time for all that socialising, and b) one feral hog is more than enough. For this look, you will need a pig mask and a brown outfit, and it’s imperative you act feral all night – with extra points given for stampeding children playing innocently in their yard and refusing to be brought down by small arms fire.
THAT TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET DOLL
The Timothée Chalamet doll is already the stuff of nightmares, so what better costume to wear this Halloween? You’ll need some serious makeup skills to truly capture this doll’s haunting face, but, aside from that, all you need is an all-black outfit with a price tag reading $122,795 hanging from it and you’re basically good to go.
ASHLEY O FROM BLACK MIRROR
If you’ve ever dressed up as Natalie Portman’s character from Closer or Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation (please do better, hun) then it’s likely the pink wig you wore is still languishing in a drawer or at the back of your wardrobe, so this particular look is v low effort. You can complete it with a white crop top and shorts, topped off with some very strong smiling on the outside dying on the inside energy.
CARA DELEVINGNE’S SEX BENCH
In May, Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne were papped casually carrying a sex bench into their house and, honestly, good for them! For this look, enlist two friends to wear casual shorts and tee-shirts, a la Delevingne and Benson, before placing yourself in a makeshift cardboard box daubed with poster paint (be sure to get that “perfect for a spanking punishment” spot on, okay?). Feeling brave? Depending on what kind of parties you find yourself at over Halloween, just go all out as the woman on the box herself – no costume necessary!