All the silly little trends rising off the SS23 runways

Freakish little monsters dangled from handbags at Gucci and Balenciaga – one being the nefarious, big-eared Gizmo from Gremlins and the other a battered and charred plushie, plucked from the recesses of Demna’s mind. Yes, we might yearn for simpler times, but the landfill of society’s collective nostalgia has, at this point, become jumbled and scorched. At Fendi and 16Arlington, these furry companions may have been a little less googly-eyed, but still took on a hirsute exterior. 

A new silhouette was repeated throughout the SS23 shows, with jacket sleeves wrapped around waistbands with an air of slovenly insouciance. Courrèges did it to a pair of crystal-encrusted jeans, Kiko Kostadinov did it with cargo pants, and even The Row did it – albeit around the lapels of an uber chic, knife-cut blazer. It gave the appearance of being only partly clothed, or like clothes had been tugged on and off in a lust-fuelled rush. 

History repeated itself at Vivienne Westwood when a model in vertiginous platforms took a tumble, recalling the iconic moment when Naomi Campbell stacked it on Westwood’s AW93 catwalk. The same thing happened at Valentino, with models struggling A) to walk and B) to make it down a row of steps in Pierpaolo’s platform heels. The whole thing came to a head at AVAVAV when each and every model fell flat on their face. Better luck next season!! 

Why have designers decided to express themselves via protruding hip padding this season? No longer are women considered boss bitches in all their BBL cut-out dresses – now, they need to be decked in 17th-century panniers and hooped skirts. At least it would certainly seem that way at Collina Strada, Dior, Louis Vuitton, and Moschino. Originally made from wood, whalebone, metal and reeds – glam! – 21st-century iterations have been crafted from blown-up rubber rings, or made punkish with bulbous, heart-shaped constructions.

Though the majority of the industry is still in thrall to youth, there seems to be a new wave of designers repositioning the rich, chic older woman as the new luxury. Bottega Veneta, Jil Sander, Collina Strada, and The Row all featured models beyond the age of 18 – AKA the kind of women who appreciate artisanal clothing and books in translation. Or, as Matthieu Blazy says, someone who understands the “quiet power” of clothing, someone who looks to a brand that levels “style over fashion.”

The reign of the clunking, platform stiletto has not become less widespread, but at Dior, Nensi Dojaka, 16Arlington, and Masha Popova, heels looked as though they had begun to buckle under the weight of the model – sloping inwards beneath the arc of the foot. They might not look comfortable but a recessed heel is meant to induce less pain than a regular stiletto, since the wearer’s weight falls closer in line to their centre of gravity. It offered up an alternative to all the vertiginous heels and flatforms showcased at Versace, GCDS, Rick Owens, Balmain, and Bottega Veneta – lest we mention those of Valentino, which were clearly a hazard to walk in. 

Battered, tattered and bruised denim was still everywhere this season – namely at Diesel – but it was also made to look as though it had been rotting. Look no further than Vaquera, for example, which showed frayed skirts and cropped jackets stained with actual soy sauce. Quite sustainable! Along with Blumarine, KNWLS, and Masha Popova, it was all part of a raggedy new mood that emerged on the backs of gross, sexy slobs. Call it ‘goblin mode’... or something like that.

They say those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and TikTok’s trend forecasters have been threatening the return of ballet flats for a while – “triggering” 30-something millennials who lived through the trend’s first iteration. God knows how they’re doing after seeing the SS23 Loewe, Chanel, Cormio, and Balenciaga shows, which all featured some take on the much-maligned shoe. At least they can at least take refuge in the fact that the whole twee thing has not veered into Charlotte Olympia territory. Elsewhere, ballet manifested as a theme beyond footwear, like at MM6 Maison Margiela, which twisted dance teacher leotards into subversive tailoring.

Jonathan Anderson and Daniel Roseberry are both responsible for this one. Blurring the margins between real and fake – a theme that has dogged Jonathan Anderson’s post-pandemic collections – lacquered flowers had been fashioned into garments at Loewe, while at JW Anderson we saw models dressed in metallic orbs and goldfish bags. And at Schiaparelli, Roseberry debuted golden bum jewellery, made from the cast of someone’s butt crack – kind of like a breastplate, but for the buttocks. 

Too long have the 00s had fashion in a stronghold. So, for SS23, brands like Saint Laurent, Luar, Vivienne Westwood, Rick Owens, and Valentino conjured up the spirit of the 80s in mean-shouldered dresses, lamé gowns, slinky columns, hardcore trench coats, glitzy evening wear, sculptural statement jewellery, and ‘capuche’ pieces. The economic boom of the 80s couldn’t be further from our current economic reality, but perhaps the rich bitch is an attitude to be inhabited regardless. You are not a trashy bimbo anymore – you are refined and elegant. 

At Prada, Balenciaga, Acne Studios, Dior, JW Anderson, and Eckhaus Latta, looks came crumpled and crinkled, as if pieces had been pulled from a honking laundry pile. Already creased with wear, skirts, merino knits, and baggy t-shirts were suggestive of the everyday lives of our clothing. Had sleeves been rumpled from hours spent bent over a computer? A trip on the central line? Or a lust-fuelled encounter with a colleague?

The most unexpected protagonist of the SS23 season was without a shadow of a doubt the anthurium – an exotic and quite sexy houseplant with bright red lacquered leaves and a phallic spadix. Also known as the flamingo flower, it was the focal point of Loewe’s show, rising from a hole in the floor like a giant fairytale beanstalk, or otherwise moulded into larger-than-life bodices and exotic bra cups. At Ludovic de Saint Sernin’s show, the flower was tucked into waistbands and worn as chokers, using its shiny petals and erect centre to elicit sexuality. And then, at Louis Vuitton, Nicolas Ghesquière created a red, carnivalesque circus tent with bright yellow stalks poking out from its roof.