I’m gonna tell my kids I won a Pulitzer for this
If the world doesn’t implode before today’s kids (OK Boomer) has children, there’s going to be some pretty weird stuff we have to educate them on. To give you a flavour: a racist, misogynistic ex-reality TV star is president of the United States, a teenager is saving the planet, and “Old Town Road” is the longest-running number one ever. Present-day is pretty weird.
Rewriting the history books, the ‘I’m gonna tell my kids’ meme takes iconic pop culture moments – TBT Totally Kyle – and replaces them with, well, other pop culture moments. From photos of ‘JFK and Jacqueline Kennedy’ – AKA Lana Del Rey and A$AP Rocky – to affirmations about who was really the star of Gossip Girl (it’s Blair, obvs), our future kids will get the education we deserved.
AVRIL LAVIGNE AS HER CLONE
We all know that Avril Lavigne – the most dangerous celebrity to search online – died in the early 2000s and was replaced by a clone called Melissa. Struggling with fame at the beginning of her career, the singer hired the lookalike to represent her at public events – when Lavigne tragically passed away, Melissa took over full time. Although the musician denies this conspiracy (boring), it’s true, meaning this meme is actually historically accurate.
ARIANA AND BERNIE AS A STAR IS BORN
Last night, Ariana Grande met US Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders backstage at her concert. Sharing a photo of the pair on Instagram, the singer called Sanders “my guy” and said she would “never smile this hard again” – cute! Our future kids will never know this, of course, because we’re going to tell them the photo is from the 2018 film A Star Is Born. TBH had the film starred Grande and Sanders instead of Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, I’d have probably watched it.
CARDI B AS AUDREY HEPBURN
“What’s good bitch? We out here in Milan, drinking sparkling water and eating some spaghettis… bitch” – Audrey Hepburn, 1965
JULIA ROBERTS AS SLAVERY ABOLITIONIST HARRIET TUBMAN
Yesterday it emerged that Julia Roberts was the ‘first choice’ to play slavery abolitionist Harriet Tubman in the upcoming biopic about her life. Julia? Roberts? As a slavery? Abolitionist? In a Q&A promoting the film, screenwriter and producer Gregory Allen Howard said “the climate in Hollywood was very different” when the film was being planned 25 years ago – even though blackface definitely wasn’t acceptable in 1994 – with one executive apparently saying at the time: “No one is going to know the difference.” I can’t even begin to wrap my head around this logic. Anyway, now it’s a meme.
LIL NAS X AS A FROG ON A TOY HORSE
“Old Town Road” dominated the charts this year, and saw Lil Nas X riding a lot of horses – in the track’s official video, in an animated Area 51-themed clip, and (kind of) in his Dazed cover story. Instead of knowing Lil Nas X as a human man who enjoys horse-riding, though, the children of tomorrow will instead know him as the cowboy frog rapper who enjoys horse-sitting.
MEGAN THEE STALLION AS THE DANCING APPLE STORE GIRL
Basically all of us circa 2008.