There’s nothing we love more than seeing a pop queen high, so, quite obviously, we fell hard for this archive clip of Madonna on Australian television in the mid-1980s. “She’s not high!” I hear you Madge-obsessed queens (myself included) cry, but dear reader, the evidence begs to differ. 

Madonna has always been good at getting the job done, or securing the bag as the young folk among us might say. It’s likely you’ll have seen early clips of her saying she wanted to be famous. Well now, she’s so famous, she’s basically lost all control of what she should and shouldn’t say or do (see: a track from her latest album, in which she exclaims she “will be gay if the gay are burned”). 

That’s why it’s so surprising that, when tasked with the tiny chore of wishing her Australian fans a Happy Christmas in this very niche video from the year of our Lord 1985, she royally fucks it. There are also mentions of ‘Molly’ and, so, as you can imagine, our eyebrows are raised. 

But it was Christmas! It was the 80s! A little sip of eggnog, a Terry’s chocolate orange, perhaps a little bump of MDMA. She’s just like us! A cheeky sniff of the pickle to get us through the busy festive period, and through a TV appearance in which she needed to bring festive wishes to the people down under. And so she powered on. 

She might have fluffed it approx. 200 times, but tell us: would you have had it any other way? Merry Christmas, your Madgesty, and Merry Christmas one and all.