For as long as I can remember, I’ve been able to ‘visualise’ certain scents, and have always tied them strongly to memories, emotions and events – particularly romantic ones. These days, my perfume shelf is littered with fragrances that tell the stories of my love life. Some I can no longer wear due to the acute heartache they now bring. I’m not alone in this: many of us strongly associate scents with attraction, romantic occasions and even heartbreak. So how does dating differ when you can’t smell at all? 

22 per cent of the global population are thought to experience olfactory disorders in some capacity. Among these are the conditions that cause sufferers to lose their sense of smell – either partially (Hyposmia) or entirely (Anosmia). Causes, Dr Eric Holbrook, associate professor of Otolaryngology at Harvard Medical School, says, can range from post-viral impact and chronic sinus diseases to head injuries. Most develop these neurological or inflammatory conditions (‘Acquired’), but there are those born with no ability to smell from the beginning (‘Congenital’). 

The emotional ramifications of scent loss can be serious and far-reaching. “Smell is deeply tied to emotion, memory and relationships because it connects directly to parts of the brain involved in feeling and memory,” explains Katie Boateng, president and co-founder of STANA (Smell and Taste Association of North America) who lost her own sense of smell in 2009. “A scent can instantly bring someone back to a person, place or moment. When you lose smell, you lose more than the ability to detect odours. You lose a layer of connection, comfort, familiarity and memory-making.”

“I used to connect a lot through scent, so losing that was discombobulating for me. Of course my attraction didn’t decline, but it took away a little part of that multi-layered and sensorial connection that’s perhaps based on pheromones” – Abby

Dating, making romantic connections, and life within relationships can therefore be impacted. At a physiological level, smell and sexual response share neural pathways within the brain’s limbic system, helping to explain why scent may play a role in attraction. “There’s a body of scientific evidence that shows that the smell of a potential partner signals information to us such as… how attracted we are to them, how arousing we find them, and even their testosterone levels,” explains Dr Paul Wicks, a neuropsychologist specialising in the cognitive effects of neurodegenerative diseases. This research determined that “liking someone’s natural body odour was the most influential olfactory variable for sexual interest for both men and women.”

So what happens when we don’t have that raw pheromone connection? Boateng says that smell loss of course doesn’t stop people from feeling attraction, dating or building intimacy. However, “it can change the way those things are experienced – and it adds a layer of worry.” In terms of initial attraction, for example, she says that those who can’t smell often rely heavily on other senses, including someone’s voice, their touch, and appearance.

For Abby*, 28, losing her sense of smell post-Covid, several years into her current relationship, has changed how she remembers important moments between them. “I remember when we first dated (back when I could smell), part of what made him sexy to me was the Tom Ford fragrance he was using. I used to connect a lot through scent, so losing that was discombobulating for me. Of course my attraction didn’t decline, but it took away a little part of that multi-layered and sensorial connection that’s perhaps based on pheromones.” She continues: “I also don’t have the joy of smelling a perfume and remembering our first date or our first anniversary… [like] back when I wore perfumes and felt a rush of nostalgia when I later smelt them.” 

“I had to ask my boyfriend to smell my clothes to see if they needed a wash, which was embarrassing” – Hannah

The way the pair show care and affection has also been affected by her loss of smell. “We’ve been together for eight years now and I do sometimes get sad when he buys me flowers or takes me for dinner dates because I can’t smell them or really taste boujee food like I used to. He’s had to get creative and does more meaningful stuff now though, like special playlists and little cards — things that me not having a sense of smell won’t impact.”

There are also worries surrounding one’s own smell when dating – particularly early on. 34-year-old Hannah Martin has Acquired Anosmia. She says that she “struggle[s] to connect with others” as she has a constant question on her mind: “what do I smell like?” Georgie, 28, lost her smell at a young age and although it doesn’t impact her hugely these days (“you can’t really miss what you don’t know,” she tells me), she says that at the start of her current four-year relationship, there were challenges. “In the early stages of dating, I had to ask my boyfriend to smell my clothes to see if they needed a wash, which was embarrassing.” 

The mental and emotional toll that olfactory disorders can have is undeniable, which in turn can also impact social lives, community and relationships. Research has suggested that of those who experience loss of smell, an estimated 36 to 76 per cent will have depressive symptoms. 

As an invisible disability, olfactory disorders “don’t get the same empathy as other sensory losses,” explains perfumer and Iggywoo founder, Richard Saint-Ford. For this reason, those suffering really have to fight to be seen, heard and taken seriously – and the lack of medical progress so far represents this. However, there have been some advancements, and enhanced support, in recent years. 

Research has suggested that of those who experience loss of smell, an estimated 36 to 76 per cent will have depressive symptoms

Hannah has found solace in SmellTaste, a small charity which she says has done a “phenomenal” job in helping her to feel understood and less alone. There have also been increased efforts to study and develop tangible solutions for these conditions, including the Rose Project, which was funded by a European Union grant programme and began work on an olfactory substitution prosthesis for anosmic individuals. 

There have been encouraging medical advances. Certain causes of olfactory disorders are already somewhat treatable and specific tried-and-tested approaches like olfactory training are helpful. Holbrook is hopeful that a possibility for “stimulating the olfactory system at the brain level to produce a smell, similar to what is done with cochlear implants for hearing” could be part of patients’ future. 

Experiencing attraction, connection and memories when you have olfactory impairment may feel different or unique – particularly, perhaps, in romantic dynamics. But for those who suffer from these disorders, experts believe there’s hope for the future.