The coronavirus pandemic has turned us all into horny maniacs – so much so that at the height of lockdown, sex toy and condom sales were through the roof, and everyone was rinsing TF out of Pornhub’s free memberships. One particularly troubling trend saw searches for homemade sex toys skyrocket, forcing experts to warn against using toothpaste as lube.

Now, Pornhub has issued a caution of its own. The adult site has launched a new range of sex toys, alongside a campaign urging you to use them instead of, say, shagging a pie. Aptly titled ‘Not My Job’, the campaign features a video in which various household items beg for you to stop using them to get off.

Directed by influencer Alice Moitié, and set to the tune of Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch”, the clip sees an electric toothbrush tell you it’s not a replacement for your ex, while a pillow advises that it’s already stuffed enough, and a washing machine asserts it’s not here to “give your lonely ass a ride”. You get the gist.

According to a press release, all of the objects found in the video are taken from real stories – including a car exhaust pipe (grim). “We actually did an incredible amount of research for this project,” David Martin Angelus, the campaign’s creative director, said. “We scanned hundreds of articles and forums online to find the wildest objects that had been used as sex toys. It’s amazing what people will have sex with when there isn’t a sex toy handy, especially in the current climate of shelter in place.”

The sex toys in Pornhub’s new collection include a vibrating wand, an anal training kit, an endurance ring, and more. You can watch the ‘Not My Job’ video below, and buy the toys here.