Sad! Frank Ocean did not bring his cock rings to Coachella

That Frank Ocean should return to the stage for the first time in nearly six years with no livestream and no merch was quintessentially Frank Ocean. The musician has spent the best part of a decade shielding himself from celebrity to such an extent that it was surprising he even turned up to perform at this year’s Coachella. No sequined board shorts, no tender queer slogan tees, no Bleach London colour sets: “He really hates us!,” as his fans said on Twitter. But perhaps he doesn’t want to connect his mournful artistry with wannabe influencers in assless chaps, one-legged chaps, and tasselled chaps, which is surprising considering he built a jewellery brand on a diamond-encrusted cock ring.

But there is power in bending contractual agreements, of doing things on your own accord and refusing to atomise yourself across Fruit of the Loom t-shirts and sippy cups. Yes, he might hate his fanbase but that also sounds like a you problem. If anything, Frank Ocean was asserting something known as “boundaries”, reminding people that he is the ultimate, unbothered pop star. Even if fans felt a little shortchanged (reduced to watching his performance on a janky Facebook live, forced to make their own merch on Etsy) an overblown music festival was always going to jar with his crafted, esoteric persona. All that’s reserved for Homer: Frank Ocean’s creative mind palace, where he embeds 18-karat diamonds into dog necklaces that look a bit like NFTs.

Those pieces can retail for up to £27,000, which is obviously far more expensive than whitebread festival merch and risks outpricing his fandom. “Frank Ocean hates poor people”. Well, maybe! But stans also love to be reminded that their idols are wealthier and therefore better people than the general public – “stamp on my neck” etc. Even Beyoncé has shuttered Ivy Park and decided to release a couture collection with Balmain. And for all those poors who missed out on a graphic design hoodie or a big foam finger, at least there was the vague promise of a third album: “I wanna talk about why we’re here today,” he told the audience. “It’s not because of a new album. Not that there’s not a new album, but it’s not right now.” How mysterious!