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sunnei dildo murano
via Instagram (@sunnei)

Lovely paper weight, can I wank with it?

Behold, the yassification of the Murano mushroom lamp

Sending well wishes to the Murano mushroom lamp today, which after nearly two years of propagating the newsfeed, has now begun to produce horny little offspring. Sunnei, the irreverent Milanese label known for kooky fashions and oddly-shaped accessories, has released a line of glass blown “pleasure objects” comprising ridged dildos, bobbled anal beads, butt plugs, and one enormous finger blaster.

Though the past few years have borne witness to the Goopification of monstrous dildos as part of the wellness movement, with matte silicone, amorphous vibrators being shilled by Lily Allen, Dakota Johnson, and Cult Beauty, this is still new ground for fashion. Luxury labels have been so focused on dressing our bodies that they have failed to realise we might want to put something inside them, too.

Christopher Kane was the first to release a branded toy in 2020 and Gucci’s Love Parade featured butt plugs and anal bead necklaces, but these were ostensibly accessories and not for internal use. While fashion may be something of a late comer to the trend, these intimate aids are positioned as part of the gentrification of – or relaxing attitudes towards – masturbation and kink. Today, dildo candles, big arse vases, and boob mugs all gesture to some kind of cultural cognisance, with people decorating their homes like the inside of a queer-feminist sex shop. Think less Ann Summers, more Anne Enright.

Now, we want the insides of our wardrobes and our top drawer to signal an allegiance to the SSENSE sale and good taste. The benefits of using blown glass sex toys go beyond mere aeshetics, too, since they’re firmer than silicone and adapt to the body’s temperature. Ultimately, though, they make a chic addition to the dining table, office, or sideboard, and will hopefully signal the end of the Murano mushroom. Just give them a quick rinse before popping them back on the cabinet.