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Martin Shkreli
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People hate Martin Shkreli so much his trial has no jury yet

Nobody can be impartial about the ‘most hated man in America’ obv

The fraud trial of “Pharma Bro” and absolute bellend Martin Shkreli has entered its third day, and it turns out it’s impossible to find any jurors who don’t absolutely despise him. Shkreli, who first gained his infamy for hiking the price of critical AIDS drug Daraprim by more than 5000 per cent, is currently being accused of, “running a Ponzi-like scheme” at his former hedge fund and a drug company he once ran. Turns out that Shkreli, who gained yet more notoriety for buying the only copy of a Wu-Tang album for $2 million then refusing to share it with anyone until Trump was elected, is also such a monumental slimy prick that there are no people in America who can even attempt to be impartial on the subject!

At jury selection in Brooklyn, the district judge questioned potential jurors. When giving their opinion of Shkreli, one went with a diplomatic and fair, “he’s the face of corporate greed”. Another called him, “the most hated man in America”, which is maybe less true now? But he sure is working on reclaiming his title! The third, though, apparently offered a little bit of mime art and just gestured as if he was strangling Shkreli. Another was sent home after saying that Shkreli is a “snake”. Again, he’s not bloody wrong, but jurors are meant to be impartial. The trial is expected to last around six weeks.

Since being let out on bail in late 2015, Shkreli made it his mission to really cultivate his “most-hated” status while attempting to become some sort of celebrity. He not only used Twitter to spew his rancid thoughts, as so many rich man-babies are wont to do, but to harass writer Lauren Duca and post fun collages he had made of them together. This borderline sexual harassment led to Shkreli’s suspension, on which Duca said, “he’s an entitled creep and absolutely deserves to have his account suspended – perhaps indefinitely.”

A spokesperson for Shkreli obviously said that he, “is not a social media stalker and fully respects the rights and privacy of anyone he communicates with”. Oh! He also used YouTube to start some beef with Wu-Tang member Ghostface Killah! His digital footprint is an absolute embarrassment.

Shkreli is a relentless attention seeking little shit who adores his notoriety, both online and off. A Columbia law professor compared his Twitter use to Trump’s, saying: “a lawyer can caution him. But just like Trump, he doesn’t have to listen.” One juror was dismissed after saying that he is familiar with Shkreli’s Twitter, to which his lawyer even admitted that, “unfortunately, the Twitter history is just horrific.”

If they actually manage to find any jurors either a) out of touch enough to not know about Shkreli, or b) dead inside enough to not hate him, hopefully he will go away for long enough that we don’t have to see anymore of his tantrums or publicity stunts. Maybe he’ll even realise that being an unapologetic, flippant little brat in the face of criminal charges maybe wasn’t the best way to go about acquiring forgiveness or freedom. He deserves to be put away for some time because he is an evil criminal who we only heard of because he actively restricted poor people’s access to an AIDS drug for no reason other than profit, but it’s more likely he’ll just get off, because the world is bad.