When Sienna*, a 30-year-old graduate student in Los Angeles, was asked to host Nora*, the friend of a friend, in her Paris apartment for a week, she quickly said yes. One week snowballed into a two-month rent-free stay, which, at the time, Sienna was happy to offer because she wanted company in a new and unfamiliar country. Throughout the stay, the two women grew close, hanging out together daily, sharing intimate details, and introducing each other to their friends. It seemed like a win-win.

But after Nora moved out of Sienna’s apartment in Paris and back to Los Angeles, Sienna stopped hearing from her.  Even when Sienna’s father suffered a heart attack and she had to abruptly fly back home to Los Angeles, Nora failed to respond to any of Sienna’s texts about being back in town. “That’s when I realised I had been friend-bombed,” Sienna says. “When I no longer had anything to offer her, she was unwilling to show up for me.”

“Love bombing” is a term that has exploded across social media, relationship podcasts and dating discourse in recent years. At first, it can feel like the kind of attention people dream about. Daily texts. Lavish compliments. Invites to events and trips. Someone who says they love you immediately, who wants to include you in their plans, show you off to their friends, and tell you their deepest secrets. Then, suddenly, something shifts. At its core, it’s a pattern of behaviour involving excessive displays of affection, validation, attention, or gifts used to quickly establish control over another person, or simply to get something from them. The tactic is commonly associated with narcissistic relationship patterns, abusive dynamics, and manipulative dating.  While the phrase is most commonly used in a romantic context, love bombing can happen in friendships, too: enter “friend bombing”.

“Friendships have a honeymoon phase, and can be just as emotionally intense as a romantic relationship,” says Marcela Lima, a relationship coach in Boston, specialising in emotional abuse. “You don’t notice love bombing with friends as quickly because it’s a little bit more normalised to be super close with friends very quickly versus a relationship.”

According to Lima, friend bombing can involve constant texting, intense and premature oversharing, and an insistence on spending a disproportionate amount of time together. It may also include becoming upset when that attention isn’t reciprocated at the same level, quickly labelling a new friend a “best friend”, and placing someone on a pedestal so early on that they seem incapable of doing anything wrong. In other words, it can look like – and often is – an expression of anxious attachment, rather than a cynical plot to exert control.

Friend bombing as a phenomenon persists partly because it rarely looks harmful in the beginning. “Love bombing works because it mirrors many things we culturally associate with friendship, and because humans are wired for connection,” says Lima. “When somebody comes in and just makes you feel chosen, it’s really hard not to get wrapped up in that.”

When Rebecca*, a 29-year-old food writer in New York City, met Madison* through a mutual friend, the two instantly clicked. “She very quickly would hype me up very publicly on social media, would tell her friends about me, and introduce me to her entire world,” Rebecca says. In return, Rebecca made professional introductions for her and even planned her birthday party. What felt like a genuine friendship came to a halt after a year, when Rebecca suffered a medical emergency while travelling abroad. “I had asked all my close friends for space at the time because I was going through a lot. And everyone was understanding,” Rebecca says. “But when I came back from the trip, Madison stopped replying to my texts, muted me on Instagram, and iced me out in a way that felt very strange.”

“Friendships have a honeymoon phase, and can be just as emotionally intense as a romantic relationship. You don't notice love bombing with friends as quickly because it's a little bit more normalised to be super close with friends very quickly versus a relationship”

The imbalance that friend bombing establishes, Lima says, can create a psychological whiplash. After establishing a pattern of overwhelming affection, when friend bombers abruptly pull away, the withdrawal often leaves the recipient desperately trying to “get back” the earlier version of the relationship. “The anxiety of that relationship ending so abruptly caused me to spiral in a way I’d never had before,” Rebecca says. “I was reading all our texts again to find clues of where things went wrong, and that’s when I realised I had been friend-bombed.”

In an era shaped by social media, parasocial intimacy, and constant digital communication and access, the pace of modern friendship has accelerated dramatically, making a culture ripe for friend bombing. “Now you meet somebody, and within two days you’ve told them all your traumas, you’ve followed each other on every platform, and you’ve posted each other on your stories,” said Lima. “There’s no emotional buffer anymore between you and other people.” 

On a recent episode of Hey Sis UK podcast, podcaster Yezzi Yezzir discussed how friend bombing often involves someone showing a lot of affection in public, but not showing up privately. “Social media gives you a false sense of connection to people [...] you think you’re connected because you’re keeping up with someone, but you’re just viewing their life. You’re not a part of their experience,” Yezzir tells Dazed. “The whole point of building any type of relationship, especially a friendship, is making time to spend with someone.” 

Yezzi believes anyone is susceptible to being friend-bombed, but it’s mostly common among people with social or professional status. “People love to be near people who are winning. And I get that. Why wouldn’t you wanna be around someone who’s doing well in life? But it’s the intention that matters,” she says. She warns that some people gravitate toward successful people because they want to build with them or contribute to their journey, while other people just want to drain their energy sources. 

After Madison ended their friendship, Rebecca realised how imbalanced their relationship was. “I just thought of how I stepped up for her, because I’m the kind of friend who gives a lot, and I think she recognised that and took advantage of it,” she says. “As soon as it wasn’t available to her, she moved on to someone else”. Now, Rebecca approaches new friendships with caution, careful not to overextend herself early on. 

The antidote to friend bombing, Lima says, is not avoiding vulnerability altogether, but normalising consistency over intensity. Healthy relationships tend to unfold gradually, and trust develops through repeated behaviour over time, not grand declarations in the first few weeks. Real intimacy leaves room for boundaries, disagreement, and independent friendships. With a friend bombing situation, it feels very urgent and consuming,” says Lina. “In a genuine friendship, you are allowed to be your own person.”