Last year, 24-year-old Nia Wilkerson said the famous last words uttered by countless women before her: “I can change him”. Wilkerson was in the throes of a situationship, seeing a man she knew had no real intention of dating her. Even though he had told her this explicitly, Wilkerson, holding out hope, kept seeing him. “I would buy him gifts,” she recalls. “I would cook him dinner in the house he never took me out of. As soon as he would call, I’d pick up the phone and go right back there.” Today, many young people online, including Wilkerson herself, would deem her actions “bird” behaviour.

The word “bird” has gone viral on TikTok as a way to describe someone, usually a woman, who is repeatedly played by a man. “A bird goes after crumbs,” Wilkerson explains. “It’s someone who has zero standards and goes back to the same person who’s not treating them right.” The spectrum of what constitutes bird behaviour is wide: it encompasses everything from letting a man use your credit card, to staying in a months-long situationship, to getting back together with an ex after they have cheated on you. Typically soundtracked to SZA’s “Pretty Little Birds” or an audio of birds chirping, hundreds of videos have been posted to TikTok in which people self-deprecatingly acknowledge the times they have embarrassed themselves in the pursuit of love. The trend has evolved to the point of having a dance, “the bird shuffle”, and mascots, AKA celebrities like Mariah the Scientist and Summer Walker, who people have historically critiqued over their romantic choices.

Using “bird” as slang for a woman is nothing new. In the US, the term’s use stretches back to the early 2000s, although its definition changes depending on who you ask. In rap lyrics, like J. Cole’s “No Role Modelz” or French Montana’s “No Shopping”, for example, a bird is shorthand for a materialistic woman. In the UK, “bird” is slang for a young woman, similar to how “chick” is used in the US. In New York City, calling someone a bird can have several different meanings. “Growing up in New York, especially in the Bronx, ‘bird’ was always slang for someone acting goofy, wild, or unhinged, or doing too much in public,” says 20-year-old Bronx-born content creator Juhm, who notes that the term was not originally gender-specific. “If one of your friends was embarrassing themselves or acting crazy, somebody would be like, ‘Yo, you’re a bird’ or ‘Bird is the word’.”

Fellow New Yorker Leke Lawal, on the other hand, defines a bird as someone who is “very energetic, very opinionated, and always has something to say”. Lawal, who notes that, in New York, being a bird is “a whole lifestyle”, says he was confused when he began seeing bird content online, given that the word’s current male-centred connotations have changed its original meaning. The TikTok version of bird, which clowns women for foolish behaviour, also echoes the term “bird-brained”, which has been used since the early 20th century to describe someone as stupid. As Lawal acknowledges, this kind of linguistic morphing is common for both New York lingo and AAVE. “When it gets on social media, it becomes a new term,” says the 22-year-old.

“A bird goes after crumbs. It’s someone who has zero standards and goes back to the same person who’s not treating them right”

t is true that bird language has spread far beyond its origins. On TikTok, admitting to any kind of “down bad” behaviour over a man – whether that is spending money on him, tolerating a lack of commitment, or simply believing the things he says – risks your comment section telling you that you are “the leader of the flock”, “mother goose”, or “need a nest”. The jokes have become so widespread that we now have “bird unprogramming” content, thanks to users like Emile Myers. Under the handle @spammed.musubi, Myers posts “daily bird unprogramming” videos, sharing songs that celebrate being single, self-love and not needing a man. His more than 50-part series features artists like Megan Thee Stallion, Ceechynaa and Monaleo, providing a playlist for anyone looking to decentre men and prioritise themselves – in other words, anti-bird music. “It’s not [about] shaming,” says the 21-year-old of his content. “It’s gentle parenting.”

Every year, there seems to be a new call to action around decentring men. From “hot girl summer” to “healing girl summer”, summertime is ripe for movements meant to inspire confidence and freedom. Coupled with people’s recent promises to be more outside than ever this summer, it makes sense that “bird deprogramming” content is landing. Still, some online, like user @notzylovessanrio, have cautioned that the influx of bird jokes is misogynistic, essentially becoming a way to needlessly mock other women. For years, people have critiqued the use of the word, arguing that it is infantilising and objectifying.

With that said, these videos and jokes have clearly become a way for people to bond over relatable experiences and feel less isolated in their dating woes. That was the case for Isabella Lee, whose video poking fun at her own bird-like behaviour – folding cranes every time she was tempted to break no-contact with her ex – went viral, prompting users to share their own stories of heartbreak in her comments section. “It’s definitely a fun way to be able to discuss embarrassing things,” says Lee. “I think people should talk more about the things that they do when they're vulnerable so that we don't feel so ashamed of it.”

Feeling shame about vulnerability is, unfortunately, a familiar part of modern dating, which, for young people especially, feels plagued by nonchalance and a fear of displaying emotion. As several bird-deprogramming videos have pointed out, is a “bird” simply someone who believes in another person, and is that really such a bad thing? Underneath the bird jokes is a shared connection over caring for someone, being made to feel stupid for doing so, and then repeating the cycle all over again. It is a miserable pattern, which is why logging on and seeing hundreds of others admit to similar romantic mishaps can, even if only for a moment, make some people feel less alone. In any case, with a new season on the horizon, it does not hurt to have a new mantra to live by. According to Myers, “this year, we’re going to have an anti-bird summer”.