Loewe may have just shown its SS24 womenswear collection at Paris Fashion Week, but X Factor overlord and high-waist aficionado Simon Cowell surely had one eye on the livestream this morning and is likely to be putting together a shopping list as we speak. The reason? Jonathan Anderson just yoinked waistbands up to stratospheric levels for the new season – and we mean yoinked. Crafted from tactile cord in cosy, earthy colours and faded acid-wash denim, the altitude at which they sat would have had any sentient being gasping for air.

With Anderson intent on playing with proportions this season – and in a way capturing the zooming in and out we do on our phones as second nature now – out came countless pairs of trousers that anyone over a C-cup could definitely tuck their tits into. Comfy! Each pair was matched with chunky, homespun knits that looked – in the best possible way – like something your nan had whipped up while watching Coronation Street, sparkly découpage tabard vests, and fine, second skin polo tops. 

Colours were brilliantly naff, with loads of browns and camel hues, flashed through with pops of punchy purple, Stabilo orange, and moss green. The whole thing felt quite 70s, channelling the era’s fabrications and artificial colour palette, as well as its general ‘bad taste’ vibes – which echoes the work of Lynda Benglis, who Anderson tapped to create the abstract black and gold sculptures that littered the showspace – an extremely impressive fairytale chateau on the outskirts of Paris.

The show might have been far out – and the traffic don’t even get me started – but Loewe continued its winning streak as the hottest brand in the world right now, as it drew in a stellar crowd of celebs desperate to see the clothes on the catwalk. With Troye Sivan, Taylor Russell, Luca Guadagnino, and Robyn, all lining the frow, the icing on the top of the cake came when boss bitch and OG momager Kris Jenner strutted through the door. As another aficionado of the cinching power a pair of high-waisted trousers wield, surely Anderson’s boob-grazers have got her name written all over them?