Jared Leto (a man who was “mind-blown” to learn about the pandemic after spending two weeks in silent meditation) has just cast himself as Karl Lagerfeld in an upcoming biopic. It’s a fitting tribute, given that the former Thirty Seconds to Mars frontman has acquired plenty of experience of playing OAP fashionistas. In House of Gucci, the actor took on the role of Paolo Gucci, a mad businessman who spent two hours and 27 minutes gesticulating into the barrel of the camera like a haunted Dolmio puppet – expressing the same level of disdain towards Lady Gaga as Lagerfeld once did towards sweatpants. 

Write the theme tune, sing the theme tune: the film will be made in partnership with the House of Karl Lagerfeld and the actor’s own production company, Paradox, with both Leto and his partner Emma Ludbrock slated as joint producers. “Karl has always been an inspiration to me,” the Gucci muse said in an accompanying press release. “He was a true polymath, an artist, an innovator, a leader and, most importantly, a kind man. When we came together with the KARL LAGERFELD team, we immediately shared a creative vision of doing a respectful ode to Karl while pushing the artistic boundaries of what a biopic can be.” 

Pier Paolo Righi, Caroline Lebar, and Sebastien Jondeau, three of Lagerfeld’s closest confidantes, are also attached as consultants. As the latest in a slew of breathless Hollywood biopics – among them Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Priscilla Presley, Bob Dylan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Whitney Houston, Freddie Mercury, Elton John, Bob Marley, Amy Winehouse, Princess Diana, Kate Moss, and Anna Delvey – the project dovetails with the announcement of Lagerfeld as the subject of the Met’s next Costume Institute Exhibition. For now, the exact storyline remains confidential but promises to retell the designer’s life “through an unpredictable lens, much like the man himself.”

As of yet, no director has been hired, and Cara Delevigne has not announced herself as an anamorphic Choupette.