The bedroom windows have been thrown open to allow the curtains to blow gently in the night breeze. You’re wearing a silk nightie as you slink across to the bedside table. On it, sits an ornate box. You finger its edges and slowly slide it open. Tonight is for you. This is your time to indulge. Your time for pleasure.
You know this time well, of course. As a woman, once a month you stir in the night and stalk sensuously around the room – only to find yourself compelled to lie back on a chaise longue and rub the curves of a Tampax Compak Pearl all over your body. We’re the lucky half of the population.
“I’m sure we can all agree that there’s nothing more luxurious than wedging a compact piece of cotton up your bleeding vagina for around 7 days every month,” say the group behind the parody video Luxuriously Taxable. Who could argue with that?
The video simply points out the blindingly obvious with humour – there’s no reason tampons should be taxed as a “luxury” product in the UK. There’s nothing sexy about them. They’re not a 80mm Bullet, they’re a bit of synesthetic material on a string. Women need them, they’re essential items – if women didn’t have them, we would all notice, pretty fucking quickly – and they should be taxed as such. The “tampon tax”, set at 5% for its banding, is yet to go, despite the fact that a petition to scrap it has attracted well over 250,000 signatures. Remember, male MPs, it’s not everyone who can afford to indulge in this silk-nightie donning luxury experience every month – just look to the working class and the homeless.
The ultimatum is clear cut: free bleeding or free tampons. Whatever you fancy.