This video of young Tory members is pathetic, but memeable

Wow the Tories are desperate. Last year they had to pay people to be nice about them online, and now they’re trying to tug at heartstrings with stories about abuse and hardship that baby Conservatives are suffering because of their political beliefs, including being called a cunt in the park by teenagers (Whitney Houston voice: I believe that children are our future...).

In a weird video shared yesterday by the Telegraph (a Tory and Brexit-supportering newspaper that has consistently attacked marginalised groups, from trans people to refugees) three young, white Tories list various verbal assaults flung at them. “Tory scum is the standard,” opens Hamish Mundell, who has been a Conservative party member for five years. Jack Kennaugh, a three-year party veteran – and the only Tory in his Liverpool native family – recalls another insult: “Oh, you’re the Tory wanker everyone talks about.” Newer member Genevieve Kirk complains that she’s been accused of being a traitor to her gender.

Soundtracked by the melancholic mood of ‘blue’ from Peep Show’s Rainbow Rhythms, the film is presumably meant to make the viewer feel sympathetic. The problem with this line of narrative is that right wing adults are wishing death on teen climate activists with Asperger’s – sadly for the infant Tories, no amount of delicate xylophone music can drown out the irony.

Yung Jack doesn’t “come from Tory stock”, and is clearly the biggest legend in the video because he swears not once, but three times. He’s also the one who got called “a cunt in the park... by teenagers” (the indignation) and “a traitor by people on the doorstep”. Stop trying to convert people into your cult! That’s the lesson here! Stop knocking on doors and approaching youths in the park!

Hamish moans that people presume he’s not an ally to the LGBTQ+ community, which is a fair enough assumption IMO given that the Conservative party recently outed someone via an official Downing Street statement. Genevieve whines that others think she has betrayed her gender; prime minister Boris Johnson is currently embroiled in a sexual assault scandal and had the police called to his house in June over domestic abuse concerns, while the Conversative party’s Universal Credit overhaul forced countless women into survival sex, and previous prime minister Theresa May sanctioned the abuse of women at Yarl’s Wood detention centre.

The video actually ends with Genevieve praising the majority of young Labour supporters, saying she can “have a talk and debate about things” with them without it getting “nasty”. This is a stunning own goal at the end of a very pathetic attempt to paint the Tories as victims.

With MPs warning that the Conversative party could “go out of business” without young voters, it makes sense that they’re attempting to spotlight their youth camp. Although this strange, self-indulgent pity video via the Telegraph isn’t the best method of recruitment. If anything, the Conservative party has once again proved itself to be useless at the internet, only sparking memes and probably more attacks on Hamish, Jack, and Genevieve. Nice one, Tories!

Watch the video below.