Pin It
Lord Buckethead election

Meet the intergalactic hero who stood against Theresa May

We bow down to you, Lord Buckethead

Among the anxiety-inducing shitshow that is every election, there are fleeting moments of light. This time, it was a beaming intergalactic laser in the form of space warrior Lord Buckethead, who stood against Prime Minister Theresa May in her Maidenhead constituency.

It’s Lord Buckethead’s third time standing – he went up against Margaret Thatcher in 1987, demanding Birmingham airport be demolished for a spaceport, and John Major in 1992. With this year’s election alongside May, Elmo and a Monster Raving Loony party candidate, he gathered a personal record number of votes at 249, and celebrated with a glorious dab.

Theresa May bagged a 26,457 majority and is currently cobbling together a horrific coalition government, but those 249 backers of the pub quiz-loving Lord and his “strong, not entirely stable, leadership” offered a mandate for a pretty interesting manifesto. Buckethead’s galaxy-wide mission includes the nationalisation of Adele (British treasure tbqh), the abolition all the lords (except him ofc), the banishing of Katie Hopkins to the Phantom zone and the legalisation of hunting fox hunters. He also pledged some more human stuff, like investing in schools, NHS, housing, social care, local infrastructure.

We got some time with the space lord to get a glimpse at a hopeful, laser-focused future.

You describe yourself as an “Intergalactic Space Lord”, can you tell me more?

Certainly. I come from hyperspace, via Finchley and Huntingdon.

What made you decide to run in the UK election, particularly in Maidenhead?

I intercepted Earth transmissions describing not only a lack of effective opposition in your country, but also an absurd decision to call a completely unnecessary General Election. I was therefore able to sneak in under your radar, being comfortably not the most absurd thing about your politics in 2017. Only now, after my historic record vote, do you journalists notice me. Why Maidenhead? Because that is the seat of your (current) Prime Minister. I thought you would have known that, but I'm happy to clarify the point.

How did you feel about the overall result?

You could say I am, to use an English word with which I am becoming increasingly familiar, ‘chuffed’. I think this is without doubt the funniest election in human living memory. Never in the field of electoral combat has a party wounded itself so grievously so unnecessarily. Add to that a record 249 votes for Lord Buckethead and all round I call it an excellent evening.

Is it true that you ran against both Margaret Thatcher and John Major before? Why?

Yes, it is true. Why? It is true because it happened.

Did you meet Theresa May yesterday?

I greeted the Prime Minister, wishing her a good evening. She wished me a good evening in return. It was very cordial and symbolic of your wonderful democracy. I thought she was very polite. If she chose to be less polite with whoever advised her to call the election, I would support her in that decision wholeheartedly.

Do you believe you’re a better politician than May?

Well, as in so many things, that depends on the metric. Which one of us has ascended to the rank of Prime Minister of the United Kingdom? Mrs May. Which one of us has successfully put down a Gremloid rebellion on Sigma 9 and got Dazed clamouring for a post-election interview? That will be me. 

What about Jeremy Corbyn – what do you think about him?

Good beard.

Would you ever run for Prime Minister? What would you immediately change?

In a sense, I was running for Prime Minister. If I had secured a Maidenhead mandate, all parties would clearly have seen my leadership potential and asked me to form a National Government. We will have to leave that until another day. But what would I change? I urge you to read my comprehensive, fully-costed manifesto, which marries fiscal responsibility with an interest in lasers. Above all, I would bring back Ceefax immediately, with the Oracle and all Teletext services to be rolled out by 2022. This has proved very popular on the doorstep, and is a sine qua non of a Buckethead administration.

How does the political system in the UK need to change, in your opinion?

In terms of fairness, moving to a more proportional system might be an idea. In terms of comedy, leave it exactly as it is.