I don’t say this often, but it’s a tough time to be a billionaire’s daughter. Well, maybe just one specific billionaire’s daughter. It might be reductive to say that Nicola Peltz is having an in-law issue on a nightmarish scale but I literally don’t know how else to say it. She is having an in-law issue on a nightmarish scale! And so, for genuinely the first time, I’m finding myself feeling for her. You meet the love of your life but can’t bear the people they came out of, who also happen to be national treasures of the highest order. Nightmare.

Hers may be an extreme case, but meeting a partner’s family is always a roll of the dice. Of course, there’s disliking your partner’s family because of a personality clash, and then there’s disliking your partner’s family because you think their behaviour towards you truly stinks. Knowing the difference is key.

If it’s the former, we’ll get into what you can do below, but if it’s the latter then you may need to take a leaf out of the Brooklyn Beckham handbook. At the very least, you need your partner to be informed, supportive and working with you to figure it out. The two of you may decide not to go no contact, or to proceed without direct confrontation (or a six-part Instagram statement) – but you should be discussing the problem as a team and figuring out together how to lessen the impact on you. Anything else sounds too lonely to contemplate. If you have a partner who can tolerate your ongoing discomfort or isolation, who would rather maintain the family status quo than protect you from harm… I would consider re-evaluating if this is really a person you could spend your life with.

Try and find solace in the fact that your problem is timeless and universal

If it’s not quite that deep – just a slight mismatch of energy and tastes – then tread carefully. Does your partner actually need to know in detail how tedious you find their uncle’s stories, or their mum’s daily phone calls, or their cousin’s devotion to her newest MLM travel scheme? Maybe, but also maybe not. So be diplomatic and if you do need to vent, then deliver any criticism in a classic shit sandwich – every negative smuggled in between at least two compliments. 

Every family is odd and difficult in ways that many of its own members are too close to to realise. You can gripe and despair about this in private, but remember that it’s not your job as a more recent addition to point these things out and “solve” the dynamic. Instead, see what can budge and what can’t. Find ways to tolerate what’s strange and frustrating and limit your exposure to the worst of it. Ferret out safe topics of conversation with difficult family members, or make yourself so busy and helpful at big gatherings that you’re never in one place long enough to be cornered. 

You can also set boundaries, which is actually not just an Instagram term meaning “never ever doing anything that you don’t want to do”. Having your space invaded for frequent and long visits, lending money whenever asked, doing endless favours in your spare time or being asked to pick sides in every family dispute – these are things that adults are free to say a polite and firm no to. Not an easy overnight fix and not without some friction, but necessary for resisting the hungry vortex of the worst family dynamics. 

You don’t have to love a person’s family to build a brilliant and beautiful life with them, but you are allowed to feel disappointed if a great partner comes with some not-so-great family members in tow. Life can be hard enough without adding the kind of interpersonal gymnastics associated with placating and tolerating difficult in-laws. But do try and find solace in the fact that your problem is timeless and universal – and it’s one that only comes with having met someone really worth enduring some shit for. So, practice your deep breathing, communicate openly but diplomatically with your other half and do whatever you need to tolerate the worst of it. Oh, and maybe don’t let Marc Anthony MC the wedding.