Documenting your life with a partner is nothing new. Falling in love is one of the most consuming and transformative experiences a person can have. Just look at any artist, philosopher, poet or musician over the past 1,000 years for proof. But does the intensity of this experience mean you should update everyone you know on just how in love you are via a carefully curated Instagram dump, or consume all of your time with friends talking about it? On reflection, maybe not.

There’s no denying that in 2024, we’ve hit peak-oversharing territory on the internet, and it has its perks. On one hand, there’s the natural urge to share your happiness. Fair enough – you think your partner is basically the second coming of a young Jude Law (if Jude Law had known what orange wine was in 1999), you’re going to want to gloat. But on the flipside, the rise of hyper-online relationships has led to hyper-online breakups. Recently, we’ve seen Lottie Moss post TikTok videos of herself unpacking clothes from her ex, Irish DJ Kettema, only to find another girl’s leggings. Similarly, creator Beca Michie shared tearful videos titled “I’m going to throw up” after discovering her model boyfriend, Calumn Harper, allegedly cheated on her, and of course there was the Madeline Argy and Central Cee breakup. Hardlaunching your heartbreak can be cathartic, but there’s a case for keeping the highs and the lows private. 

Last week, Lana Del Rey showed why she’s the final boss of keeping things on the DL following reports that she married her alligator tour guide boyfriend by a swamp in Louisiana – just weeks after the public found out they were dating. In a world of oversharing, there’s something to be said for keeping things private. Here’s how to give it a go, Lana-style, minus the alligators and older men (but hey, no judgement).

ASK YOURSELF: AM TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING?

There comes a point in any digital PDA you must confront the question: am I doing this for myself? “From a mental health and wellness perspective, plastering your relationship online adds to stress and fuels the addiction of social media,” says wellbeing writer and mentor Sarupa Shah. According to Shah, if you’re posting or speaking about your partner to others excessively, it draws attention away from your relationship and into the sphere of public opinion. “Who is the relationship for? Work out if you’re trying to prove something before inviting others to spectate.”

BE A BETTER FRIEND 

Have you ever been really excited to catch up with a friend, only for them to spend the entire two-hour coffee date psychoanalysing whether Alex-from-Hinge is avoidant or anxiously attached? DON’T LET THIS BE YOU. According to relationship counsellor Georgina Sturmer, practising privacy with your relationship and nurturing friendships come hand in hand. “Sometimes our relationships can spill over and become a focus of our conversation with our friends. This can put pressure on our friendships, and can ignite tensions or irritation or jealousy.” By leaving your relationship at the door when you spend time with your friends, it will become easier to maintain a sense of individual identity outside of the relationship, nurture your friends, and avoid unwelcome judgement.

PRIVATE DOES NOT MEAN SECRET

People who cheat are going to hate this one: there’s a difference between private and secret. Unless you are an A-List celebrity, your relationship shouldn’t be a secret. Private means you’re choosing not to publicise your business in order to build trust, respect and space to grow together. Secret means at least one of you is married. I don’t make the rules.

BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES

In 2024, boundaries between public and private have been blurred more than ever before. We champion authenticity and oversharing online, but that doesn’t mean it’s real. Intimacy expert Magda Kay argues that anything precious in your life is something you should protect. “You don’t leave the door to your apartment open for anyone to walk in. You keep your money in a safe or bank account. There are boundaries around what we value because we want to protect it from harm. By keeping boundaries around our relationships, we nurture them. Publicising your relationship exposes it to unnecessary risks and judgement.” So before you overshare or invite in other opinions, try being open, honest and vulnerable with your partner to strengthen things from the inside first. 

TRUST YOURSELF

Even in the most public of relationships, only the people who are in it know what the experience is really like. Everyone has an opinion on everything, but it’s only yours and your partners that count. You could tie yourself in knots listening to the advice or opinions of people who don’t know the details of your relationship (or the internet’s infinite opinionated gurus), so bring things back to basics and use your body as a compass: If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust yourself, trust your partner until they prove otherwise, and understand that no amount of oversharing or posting PDA is going to improve a relationship that isn’t healthy from within.