Four years ago, Jeyanna Romo, a 24-year-old nursing assistant in Arizona, woke up with an uneasy pit in her stomach: was her then-boyfriend of two years cheating? To quash “all the scenarios” in her mind as to why he wasn’t texting or calling as often, she downloaded Tinder, paid for premium, and set her location to where he was working out of state. What she now considers to be her intuition led her straight to his profile. “There he was, with pictures of himself that he’d sent to me throughout our relationship and a bio that said ‘here for the summer,’” she says. Romo then cried for two hours and eventually asked him to call her (without mentioning what she’d found). When he replied saying he was “too busy” to chat, she screenshotted his Tinder profile and posted it in an Instagram carousel. “Swipe to see what giving the ‘nice guy’ who could ‘give you the world’ a chance looks like,” she wrote as the caption. 

Romo isn’t alone in posting her infidelity, and her eventual breakup. After years of debate about the socially acceptable way to soft or hard launch your new partner on Instagram, a recent online conversation encourages another level of relationship transparency: sharing the intimate details of your latest heartbreak. In April, TikTok creator Erin Gibney posted a viral video calling for the normalisation of posting “why you broke up” on the internet. Since then, other creators have shared their breakup stories, including one who revealed that an ex-boyfriend attempted to kill their cat. As high-profile influencers like Madeline Argy post emotional four-part videos in the middle of their very public breakups, and couples like Alyssa Eckstein and Cayden Christianson (or “the pink shirt” couple) share “we broke up” announcements, hard launching is no longer strictly reserved for the start of a new relationship – it’s also for its ultimate demise. 

Of course, those who choose this method should accept that they’re probably going to get blocked, which is what happened to Romo just five minutes after posting. “Everyone found out through that post, my friends, family, and him,” she says. “It was complete silence from him after that post.” Romo decided to post the backstory to her breakup post four years later in a TikTok video, as it’s something she can laugh at now. From that post, she even had strangers coming forward to inform her the cheating had gone on for far longer than she expected. “When the video was getting attention, I remember seeing a notification on my phone from him saying ‘not you using my name for clout,’ but then it disappeared,” she says. As it turns out, the original post was also the first time Romo had posted her relationship on her Instagram feed – and she insists she wasn’t thinking about “anyone else” but him in her scorned rage. 

Infidelity can no doubt be a significant driver behind hard launching your heartbreak, but so too can rising questions from curious followers who feel invested in your relationship status. Jazmine Brown, a content creator and founder of Sustainable Baddie, says she first posted about her recent divorce on her YouTube channel because it had become “obvious” to her community that she was no longer married. “It felt really liberating to share because I grew up really Christian and I feel like there's a lot of girlies who also got married young and then divorced but keep it under wraps,” she says. “I was trying to be mysterious about it initially but posting about it made me feel less alone.” Last month, Brown announced her post-divorce name change to her followers, writing “It’s time to break the shackles” in an Instagram post timed with Juneteenth. “I thought it would be funny to announce it then because I’m no longer with a white person,” she says. Brown has since also hard launched her new relationship across all social media platforms. 

While those sharing their breakup stories online may be met with an immediate sense of care and community, clinical and research psychologist Chandra Khalifian says publicly turning to social media for support after a breakup is like “playing a slot machine.” “You put a quarter in and pull the bar and someone may say something completely validating and kind of make you feel good for a moment or someone could say the most hurtful thing ever because they're not connected to you,” she says. “It can almost turn addictive.” Khalifian recommends seeking support in a more “authentic way,” such as a therapy group or solid friends you can lean on (not just the ones that will reply “omg” in your comments). It’s also worth noting that – despite social media giving the appearance that everyone needs a personal brand – not everyone has thousands of followers invested in intimate details of their lives. Some breakup reveals ultimately end up being a reveal for the relationship itself, attracting people who love social media drama instead of those actually invested in your emotional well-being. 

Still, the pull behind a social media breakup reveal can be to validate your decision with the masses and perhaps inspire others to do the same. Sonia Deshmukh, a 24-year-old in Virginia, says she broke up with her ex-boyfriend after growing tired of the “chronic lack of communication and effort.” “I knew other people on social media were probably in similar situations so I decided to talk about it,” she says. “Reading other people’s stories made me realise I wasn’t crazy for choosing to break up with him.” Then there are the creators who choose to hard launch their heartbreak years after the breakup itself, like 25-year-old actress Liz Mina. Last year, she posted a TikTok GRWM video about breaking up with her first love. “When I was in high school and college, it was cool to be aloof and put on this front as if you were an unfeeling person who had everything together,” she says. “As my generation gets older, I think we’ve realised that hiding your feelings and putting up a wall only creates distance between yourself and others.” 

In a time where the illusion of unfiltered openness is encouraged and applauded on the internet, it’s important to remember that being vulnerable doesn’t only have to exist online, a place where Mina says people can be vicious and unforgiving. But in the rare moments that social media isn’t a relationship highlight reel, we can remember that even the most aspirational relationships have issues. “I think giving your followers a glimpse into the lows of your relationship can be great because it's the human thing to do,” says Mina. That being said, just because your favourite influencer posted about her PR-fueled infidelity scandal or a celebrity shared crying selfies to appear more relatable, it doesn’t mean you have to open up with your 300 followers (including your boss) about your deepest heartbreak. After all, the most effective and helpful breakup hard launch has always been a private conversation over a drink with a small group of close friends – and no, your close friend’s story on Instagram doesn’t count.