Roxane Gay enjoys writing about how love really is, not how it looks in fairytales. So Hinge partnering up the prolific author with a real couple, Chanti and Najib, for the No Ordinary Love anthology was a match made in heaven. No Ordinary Love is an 80-page anthology of modern romantic prose challenging love story tropes and cliched narratives by celebrating the plot twists of real love. It features the stories of six real couples who met on Hinge, written by six groundbreaking authors: Roxane Gay, R. O. Kwon, Oisín McKenna, John Paul Brammer, Brontez Purnell, and Isle McElroy. 

You can read Chanti and Najib’s story now at No-Ordinary-Love.co or grab a physical copy of No Ordinary Love in New York or London from September 23-30. Ahead of the release, we spoke to Gay about writing a love story that’s ongoing, overcoming romantic difficulties, and appreciating her own marriage through this process.

What’s a love story you wish you wrote and why?

Roxane Gay: The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. It’s one of my favourite novels, and it’s not only social satire; it’s also a love story between Newland Archer and Ellen Olenska. Both of these people cannot act on their feelings, and, of course, it’s something set in the early 20th century, so the ways they showed their passion for one another were really subtle. I just admire the restraint of the novel, and on a sentence level, it’s gorgeously written.

This obviously isn’t your first time writing about love. How was this process different from your previous work?

Roxane Gay: This was different because I was writing about a real couple and because sometimes, with a love story, you know how it goes, but this story is ongoing. It was an interesting challenge.

What surprised you the most about Chanti and Najib’s relationship story or timeline?

Roxane Gay: Straight people are funny to me in that they approach relationships quite differently from queer couples, who tend to move faster. I was surprised most by the pace of the timeline. If they were lesbians, they would have been married by now. I do think young people should stay independent and enjoy the world and also each other, but there was definitely a hesitancy about going too fast. I just kept thinking, what does that even mean? 

This story is about two different people asking for different needs. What did you want to challenge or explore further about the popular saying “opposites attract”?

Roxane Gay: I’m always interested in the ways that people who find love together are different because relationships aren’t particularly hard, but they do require intention and effort. When someone is different from you, you have to try to figure out who this person is and how you love them. How do I let them love me? And those elements of Chanti and Najib’s relationship were really interesting because Shanti had been in relationships before. But, for Najib, this was his first serious relationship, and he didn’t necessarily know how to be romantic and how to make her feel loved, seen, and appreciated. She wasn’t particularly interested in teaching him. But they made it work, and she started to feel stronger before he caught up to her. That unevenness of affection can be a deal breaker for some people, but they find their way through it. 

In the story, both Chanti and Najib are learning how to allow themselves to be loved by each other. Why do you think this topic is important for conversations around dating and romance today?

Roxane Gay: A lot of times, when we talk about dating and romance, we talk about how to love someone else. But I find that what’s even more challenging is allowing yourself to be loved and allowing yourself to be treated with care, respect, and tenderness. No matter what your gender or orientation is, you become a little brittle after too many heartbreaks. So how do you carry that while also allowing yourself to be loved, while letting someone in, while allowing yourself to be spoiled and taken care of? I actually find that much more difficult than actually loving someone.

There’s a quick switch between Chanti and Najib rushing into their relationship initially and then Najib asking for space. How did this push and pull shape how the story came together?

Roxane Gay: Tension always makes for good storytelling. So, I wanted to focus on the fact that it wasn’t always easy, and things didn’t just magically fall into place. There were some hiccups, but they didn’t let that derail the relationship, and they were able to muster the maturity and grace to really listen to each other.  I thought that it was really lovely that they were willing to work through it instead of just deciding, you know what, this isn’t worth it.

I loved the flowers at the end after Chanti asked for them early on. Why did you decide to leave the reader at that moment?

Roxane Gay: They’re still figuring each other out. They’re still developing their relationship. So, I wanted to show that there was growth through a really hopeful moment at the end where we see progress. Najib has really heard Chanti and what she wants. It’s not a storybook ending per se, but it implies a lot of hope for the future. Based on my conversations with Chanti and Najib, I think there’s a lot of hope for their relationship. Not every relationship ends in a lifetime together, but there’s a lot of potential ahead of them.

What’s your favourite thing about writing about love? 

Roxane Gay: I’m a romantic at heart, so any opportunity to write about love is interesting to me, especially because I like to write about love as it really is rather than the fantasy. I think you can be romantic in a lot of different ways. I like challenges, but it can be difficult to write an interesting love story that’s not too sappy. 

You’re known for giving out relationship advice. Did any advice come to mind for Chanti and Najib while you wrote it?

Roxane Gay: I don’t know if they need advice; they seem to be really happy. So my advice would be to live in your relationship on your own terms. I think, a lot of times, people structure their relationships based on what they feel is expected of them based on societal ideas about what love should look like. I hope they make their own rules as they go along and embrace that they’re allowed to do so.

What makes a digital connection a compelling starting point for a story?

Roxane Gay: When someone actually takes the time to have a real conversation, even if it’s just a hook-up, and treats the person they’re communicating with as a person — tries to be lively, engaging, and interesting but doesn’t immediately jump into the deep end — I always think that’s interesting. When there’s chemistry, there’s chemistry, no matter what you’re talking about. I love the ways you can show that there’s chemistry where you can find it.  

Did you learn anything new or noteworthy about your approach to relationships while writing Chanti and Najib’s story? 

Roxane Gay: I think it made me reflect on my own marriage and that when you know, you know. It just made me realize how lucky I was that my wife was so clear about her intentions and so interested from the very first moment that she made her case very strongly. I just love it when people are clear about what they want, and they go for it despite being afraid or having insecurities. The trajectory of Chanti and Najib’s relationship made me appreciate my own.