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Illustration Elizabeth Henson
Illustration Elizabeth Henson

Millennials will get sick and die faster than previous generations

Get sick, die fast, millennials do it well

As well as being the loneliest generation to date, it turns out that millennials will get sick and die faster than Gen X too.

Blue Cross Shield has published a 32-page report detailing the many ways in which millennials will see their health decline costs skyrocket over the next ten years. When examining “millennial health patterns”, it found “several interesting and concerning findings',' which predicts that millennials will be sicker, broker, and die younger than previous generations.

The report suggests two potential futures: a “baseline projection”, which is basically what to expect if millennials somehow manage to seriously backtrack all the shit that’s happened so far; and a more sinister “adverse projection”, so what happens if nothing changes.

According to the adverse projection, millennials can expect (at least) a 40 per cent increase in mortality compared to Gen-X people of the same age. They can also expect to pay a third more in healthcare costs than the previous generation, and subsequently, make $4,500 less per year.

The report continues to outline that millennials (because they’re sick all the time, apparently) are less able to “contribute” to the “US labour market”. They are generation burnout, after all.

Interestingly, it’s this very millennial “health shock” that analysts compare to the Vietnam War and the HIV/AIDS crisis. Analysts maintain that the major generational differences can be put to “increasing “behavioural health” problems, such as depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, and substance abuse, which increased 30 per cent among millennials between 2014 and 2017. In contrast to Gen X, millennials between 30 and 39 years old are less likely to die from things like cancer and heart disease, but considerably more likely to die from accidental overdose, suicide, homicide.

Technically, they’re physically healthier than Gen X, but apparently it doesn’t really make much of a difference, considering they'll all be too depressed, anxious, and poor to care.