Time to see where the rich and famous have been ‘imprisoned’ during lockdown
Hello MTV and welcome to my article! After a decade away – excluding fashion revivals, Snapchat iterations, and, err, CMT Cribs – MTV Cribs is back.
First launched in 2000, the voyeuristic reality series gave non-celebs a rare glimpse into how the other half live. Viewers were taken on tours of luxurious mansions – or, in the case of British boy band Blue, their parents’ houses – and given an all-access inside look at the everyday lives of Naomi Campbell, Snoop Dogg, Mariah Carey, and many more. MTV Cribs even got access to the Playboy Mansion, where infamous ladies man Hugh Hefner (RIP) showed off his army of sexy tenants.
“Cribs didn’t simply introduce the celeb-reality genre, it created a blueprint for how we engage on social media,” Nina L Dias, MTV’s chief creative officer and president of content, said in a statement. “We are thrilled to usher in a new era of this iconic franchise for audiences around the world.”
So far on the reboot’s line-up are JoJo Siwa, Jordyn Woods, Scott Disick, Martha Stewart, Big Sean, Rick Ross, and Ashlee Simpson. Ahead of MTV Cribs’ return on August 11, Dazed has compiled a list of the celebs we want the show to snoop on the most.
GRIMES AND ELON MUSK
It’s not everyday a space-loving billionaire and communism-supporting alien musician get together and have a baby called X AE A-XII. It’s also not everyday that Kanye West visits said couple, or that Azealia Banks camps out at said couple’s home and refuses to leave until one of them records a song with her. In light of this, obviously everyone wants to see inside Grimes and Elon Musk’s house. As the world’s weirdest celebrity couple, they almost definitely have some bizarre shit in their home. Think: deprivation tank, swords, a life-sized bronze Elon Musk statue. It would also provide the perfect opportunity for one-year-old X AE A-XII to premiere his “super fire” music, and may offer a glimpse into what life on Mars will look like, once Musk has colonised and decorated.
Jordan Firstman’s house has to be seen to be believed. The writer and comedian – who amassed viral fame last year with his hilarious Instagram impressions – gave his LA home a surreal makeover during lockdown, with the help of designer John Sharp. With an initial aesthetic inspiration of “Miami neon jungle”, Firstman and Sharp designed what Architectural Digest has aptly described as a “Barbarella-meets-Beetlejuice-meets-Dalí-meets-seedy-LA-nightclub fantasia”. The pièce de résistance? A floor-to-ceiling white faux fur bed with a brown furry wall to match. Although we’ve technically seen inside his house already, watching an MTV Cribs where Jordan Firstman does an impression of Jordan Firstman showing MTV Cribs around his house would be *chef’s kiss*.
In May, it emerged that UK prime minister Boris Johnson had spent £200,000 decorating his Downing Street flat, despite only being allocated a measly £30k of public money a year to do it up. Johnson’s former best pal – and notorious lockdown breaker – Dominic Cummings claimed that the PM had a “possibly illegal” plan for donors to pay for the renovations. Although Johnson was ultimately cleared of breaking the ministerial code, an official report did accuse him of acting “unwisely” over the refurbishment. Given his girlfriend Carrie Symonds previously described Theresa May’s iteration of the flat as a “John Lewis furniture nightmare”, MTV Cribs viewers deserve to see how she’s glammed up the place. It would also be an opportunity for Johnson and Symonds to explain how they spent £27,000 on takeaways in nine months. Maybe we could even meet the butler who smuggled it to them on a Boris Bike.
KIM AND KANYE’S MANSION POST-DIVORCE
We’ve all seen inside Kim and Kanye’s unseasoned house, with its neutral palette, soulless minimalism, and basinless sinks. “I love the simplicity of the design,” Kim previously told Architectural Digest. “Everything in the outside world is so chaotic. I like to come into a place and immediately feel the calmness.” What we want to know is: what will this calm, pristine mansion look like post-divorce? Who’s keeping the house? Is Kim actually a fan of bright colours, loud patterns, and real sinks? Has Kanye been quashing her creativity this whole time? MTV Cribs, please find out for us.
Kim and Kanye's House, A Thread pic.twitter.com/cO1zsELJhX— bae joon-ho (@paristexxas) April 13, 2019
Anyone who’s ever seen a Wes Anderson movie knows that the filmmaker loves retro, pastel-hued symmetry. His beautifully stylised films have even inspired an equally-beautiful Instagram account, @accidentallywesanderson, which spotlights real-life places around the world that traverse the imaginary worlds of his films. With this in mind, film fans across the globe will surely want to know if Anderson’s house is just as picture-perfect as his films. Who knows, maybe Timothée Chalamet would even make an appearance in the filmmaker’s Cribs, maybe even in the bath...
In April last year, just as we all adapted to life in lockdown 1.0., Ellen DeGeneres – the villain of 2020 – sat in (one of) her California homes and compared her experience of quarantine to “being in jail”. With an expansive lawn, floor-to-ceiling windows, and an enormous sculpture behind her, DeGeneres bemoaned having only her mansion and infinity pool to explore. Because I have never been to jail, I would be interested to see what it’s like, hence why MTV Cribs should pay DeGeneres a visit.
Ellen does her first show from home: “Being in quarantine is like being in jail. It’s mostly because I’ve been wearing the same clothes for ten days and everyone in here is gay.” pic.twitter.com/DH1ywZKAqR— Mike Sington (@MikeSington) April 6, 2020