If an obsessive behaviour has become so ingrained in your life, to the point that you see it as an extension of your personality, you might feel like you would do anything to rid yourself of it. That was me two-and-a-half short months ago – feeling frustrated that despite all my efforts, I couldn’t control my trichotillomania. 

Trichotillomania is a disorder characterised by the irresistible urge to pull out one’s hair. The trance-like state that accompanies this repetitive behaviour can make breaking free seem insurmountable. I began picking my hair at the age of 11, and by my 28th year I had tried an overwhelming amount of ways to subdue my habit: therapy, acrylic nails, bandaids on my fingers, wearing a beanie at all times (especially at home), snapping a rubber band on my wrist whenever I reached for my scalp, and everything in between. 

For a long time, I held a lot of shame about my habit. My arms and hands were my own, but if they were really my own, why couldn’t I stop them from picking strands of hair out of my scalp? Because this habit started when I was 11 years old, I felt in many ways it kept me trapped in my childhood, not able to cope with the stresses of adult life in a healthy way. As a result of my shame, I’ve always tried to hide it from people I love, concealing the damage I had done. 

When a behaviour becomes so ingrained, you begin to believe there is no way to eradicate it. After a certain point, however, enough really was enough; I didn’t want to be a prisoner to my habit any longer – and that is when I found Jessica Boston. 

BEFORE THE HYPNOSIS

Jessica is a leading and multi-award-winning cognitive, clinical and somatic hypnotherapist based in London, with a background in trauma coaching. Her goal is to work with her clients and provide them with the tools they need to shift their subconscious.

Jessica’s process began with an in-depth questionnaire, where I was forced to examine my thinking and experiences far back into childhood. This exercise alone brought up many subjects and ideas I hadn’t thought of in a long time, and was cathartic in many ways. Along with the questionnaire, I was encouraged to listen to a playlist of recorded meditations every day leading up to my first appointment, apparently to prime my subconscious for hypnosis.

THE FIRST HYPNOSIS SESSION

Once I was all primed and ready, I had my first official session with Jessica, which took place over Zoom. Initially, I had my doubts about hypnotherapy over zoom – in my mind, I needed to be lying on a chaise lounge with a pocket watch swinging in front of my face, but Jessica immediately put my doubts to rest once we got started.

Speaking with Jessica was like speaking with an old friend: she was gentle and warm, someone who made you feel safe, like you could pour your whole heart out without fear of embarrassment. She explained that most of her clients are women who deal with perfectionism and fear of the uncontrollable. Trichotillomania often stems from unresolved anxieties, and hypnosis serves as a tool to address these fears. By unlocking the power of the subconscious mind, individuals can learn to respond to stress and anxiety in healthier ways.

Our first session lasted two hours. We spent most of the session digging into my history and what may have caused me to use the response of hair pulling in the first place. The therapeutic nature of these sessions extended far beyond the act of hypnosis, helping me foster a deeper understanding of the root causes of my disorder. People pull for various reasons; often it is anxiety-induced, and then over the years it becomes a trance-like state which can act as a response to anxious and emotional triggers. 

The hypnosis was roughly ten minutes long and was accompanied with a beautiful soundscape. She spoke in simple metaphors that my subconscious would understand. Afterwards, she gave me a tailored meditation to incorporate into my daily routine, either in the morning or evening. 

THE SECOND HYPNOSIS SESSION

After a month, Jessica and I hopped on Zoom for my second and last hypnosis session. This time, the focus was squarely on addressing my compulsive hair-pulling behaviour, aiming to put an end to it once and for all. As in our initial session, we discussed the main concerns and triggers before diving into the meditation.

This particular meditation resonated with me profoundly, inducing a trance-like state guided by Jessica’s soothing voice and meditative sounds. One metaphor particularly stuck with me: she compared my hair to a garden, urging me to care for it with water and sun, trusting that it would grow without the need to constantly tug at the roots to check. This imagery left a lasting impression on me; the thought of pulling flowers out from their roots seems wrong and inhumane, why would I do that to myself? Leaving the session, I felt prepared to integrate this new meditation recording into my daily routine, recognising its potential to influence my subconscious in ways I couldn’t even truly understand. 

AFTER THE SESSION

My trichotillomania was something I had chronically avoided discussing in the past, but I am so glad that I took the leap to pursue this treatment. It’s been one and a half months since my last session, and I’ve nearly stopped my hair-pulling behaviour. The few lapses were immediately recognised, allowing me to regain control. It’s a profound shift from the past urgency, and I never imagined reaching this point. Breaking free from a habit ingrained in 17 years of daily life seemed impossible.  

Acknowledging that hypnosis might pose financial challenges for some, Jessica also offers an array of free resources, including a collection of her own complimentary meditations available on Spotify, an album titled The Feeling is You. While not as potent as customised sessions, they bring substantial benefits to consistent listeners, while also providing an extremely beautiful and dreamy listening experience.