Lockdown has been witness to a lot of hair trends from the mullet revival to a range of colourful DIY hues, but as we face tightening restrictions and the possibility of a second, winter, lockdown potentially without any access to hairdressers it’s time we accept the inevitable and give in to the next trend of quarantine hair: Kajillionaire Hair. 

Kajillionaire, Miranda July’s new off-kilter rom-com, follows a clan of Los Angeles grifters through their day-to-day lives of marginal petty scams, scavenges, and scrounges. Evan Rachel Wood plays Old Dolio (those guttural tones of the character are, it turns out, the actress’s real voice), the only daughter in the family of shabby con artists who forms a relationship with Melanie (Gina Rodriguez) which threatens to upend the family dynamic.

Throughout the film, both Old Dolio and mother Teresa (Debra Winger) sport long, almost waist-length hair. This isn’t long in the luscious, glamorous, Cher hair from the 1970s kind of way. It’s not particularly glossy nor shiny. This hair is drab, unkept, limp, a bit ragged. At first glance, you might mistake it for the hair of someone who’s spent years in a minor cult. What I mean to say is, it’s the ultimate lockdown hair. 

We’ve done DIY bleach. We’ve buzzed it all off. We’ve given ourselves fringes. We’ve experimented and played and made mistakes. And now it’s time to rest. Put down the scissors. Give in to temptation. You’re not going to see anyone anyway. Grow your hair longer and longer. Cousin It is, after all, a cousin. Play up that family resemblance. Take inspiration from a long-haired butch queer girl. Think of how easy it will be. Think how it will keep you warm on those cold winter days. Go on, you know you want to.