When an article entitled “Promiscuous gays give our community a bad name!” was recently published on GuysLikeU, it seemed inevitable that a viral storm would ensue. The author of the piece was ‘First Dates star’ Linford Martin, a gay man who happily admitted that he had been lucky enough to bag ‘the man of his dreams’ and keep him for a matter of months.

As expected, the op-ed, which extolled the virtues of monogamy, was accompanied by a plethora of smiling ‘couple selfies’ selected to strengthen Martin’s argument that a committed relationship is the only acceptable option. Martin was living his fantasies with his dreamboat boyfriend; meanwhile, the other ‘promiscuous gays’ were busy perusing Grindr for NSA fun and tarnishing the good name of the entire LGBT community. How dare they?

While the article inadvertently illuminated myriad cultural issues, the so-called plague of promiscuity within the gay community was not one of them. After all, promiscuity isn’t a trait exclusive to the LGBT community – has Martin never heard of ‘slut-shaming’? There are scores of straight ‘studs’ and ‘sluts’ out there happily engaging in safe, consensual sex with several partners per week.

There are various justifications for not wanting a committed relationship; it may stem from a willingness to focus on career opportunities before settling down, a desire to travel the world or simply not having met the right person. Martin seems unable to grasp the concept that there are millions of people in the world that don’t make a stable relationship their primary aim in life, instead happy to quench their sexual thirsts with casual fuck buddies or like-minded strangers.

“There are various justifications for not wanting a committed relationship; it may stem from a willingness to focus on career opportunities before settling down, a desire to travel the world or simply not having met the right person”

Incidentally, Martin does succeed in underlining the fact that minority communities often see their personal choices exaggerated and argued as ‘cultural commentary’. It’s true that apps such as Grindr and Hornet are more tailored towards seeking casual sex than their straight equivalents (although many argue that this is actually a good thing) but the reasons for this are layered and complex.

Modern society may be slowly progressing, yet heteronormative ideals are still dominant; marriage is still presented as an aspirational goal for both men and women and monogamy is still argued as the ultimate aim. These ideals go some way towards explaining the recent prominence of Ashley Madison; the website, designed to facilitate affairs conducted by married men, that became one of the biggest news stories of this year when details of over 37,000,000 users were leaked online.

The hack devastated lives worldwide, resulting in guilty men burning down their homes and committing suicide. The hack also proved that infidelity is rife within marriages worldwide, and the reason may well be that many straight couples feel societal pressure to get married and commit despite it not being the best option for them.

By contrast, LGBT communities have been excluded from legal marriage for centuries – gay marriage was only legalised in the UK two years ago, meaning that the same pressures have only recently come to apply to us. Furthermore, homosexuality falls outside the fringes of heteronormativity by default, meaning that societal expectations of us are still being established.

“We aren’t conditioned to want to ‘settle down’ in the same way, and it’s still incredibly difficult for us to adopt and start a family. However, the visibility of gay promiscuity has led to the stereotype that we’re more sexually active”

This could explain why gay promiscuity is actually more acceptable and more visible than its straight equivalent – we aren’t conditioned to want to ‘settle down’ in the same way, and it’s still incredibly difficult for us to adopt and start a family. However, the visibility of gay promiscuity has led to the stereotype that we’re more sexually active. Even more unfortunate is the continued link between homosexuality and HIV – even in 2016, there’s a higher rate of transmission within gay sexual intercourse. However, like promiscuity, it goes without saying that HIV isn’t a virus which only impacts the gay community, yet its presence within heterosexuality is largely diminished due to its original emergence as a stigmatised homosexual ailment.

Martin’s views also highlight that the majority of prejudice levelled at gay men comes from within the LGBT community itself. The rigid aesthetic tribes of ‘bear’, ‘twink’ and ‘daddy’ often mean that dating apps become rife with homophobia, making them the ideal place for men to push their ideals of beauty onto potential partners. Drag queen Kim Chi highlighted this brilliantly with her various discussions of the “No Fat, Femmes, No Asians” phenomenon, underscoring the fact that these visual ‘preferences’ are often nothing more than prejudice masked by the façade of personal choice.

Many of us have an aesthetic ideal that we keep in mind when seeking sexual partners, that much is true and natural. These dating apps are superficial, providing nothing more than a photograph and a brief description to base decisions on, but this shouldn’t mean that we feel entitled to slam others for their appearance. It’s a dating app; if you’re not attracted to somebody, there’s no need to let them know.

To put things in context, I’m in a committed relationship with my boyfriend and have been for the best part of two years. I don’t, however, use my monogamy as an excuse to judge the lifestyle choices of other gay men, nor do I assume that their actions directly affect me. I have been through periods of promiscuity in the past; the fact remains that sexual experimentation is something that should be encouraged, as it teaches modern youth to explore their bodies and enjoy their single status as opposed to pining after a relationship.

To argue promiscuity as a homosexual trait is ridiculous, and to argue it as a negative trait echoes the same culture of slut-shaming that plagues women worldwide. Is he telling us that monogamy is the only option and therefore reinforcing the same narrow ideals of tradition that resulted in the phenomenal clandestine popularity of Ashley Madison? Is he simply using his brief moment in the spotlight to brag about his own seemingly perfect relationship?

No matter his intentions, his views shouldn’t have been paid, published and aired out online in a bizarre mission to make well-intentioned horny gay men feel ashamed of their lifestyle choices. If you’re single, enjoy it. And if someone tries to argue your sexual preference as the lingering cause for your promiscuity? Educate them.