A new site is creating a community with advice and forums for the 3.3 million who have adopted the Baby lifestyle across the world
Being a "Baby" is no longer a niche idea, despite what you might think. Seeking Arrangement, the site where rich, lonely or busy men (or women) can meet “Sugar Babies”, has over 3.3 million Babies from across the world. Many of them are students, looking to fund their way through university or college. The site – whose founder, Brandon Wade, once awkwardly argued that "love is a concept made up by poor people" – claims that 1.4 million profiles belong to students at UK universities.
“Sugar Daddies and Mommies are cash rich, but time poor,” Seeking Arrangement spokesperson Angela Bermudo told Dazed. “They don’t have time for traditional dating, let alone conventional relationships themselves. In return for being the main breadwinner in the relationship, they are able to get a relationship which is customised to their present lifestyle.”
With such great numbers entering into this lifestyle, it’s clear there’s a market to talk to. In more traditional relationships, boundaries and expectations are more clear cut. We’ve grown up watching them played out on TV and in our homes. So how do you negotiate your way through this potentially difficult and dangerous dating minefield where one person is handing over potentially large amounts cash to the other? How do you stay safe – presuming your Daddy turns out not to be he claimed to be? How to make the most money without fucking anyone around? How do you even become a Baby in the first place, beyond just signing up to the site? The grey area surrounding something of this nature – particularly when being a Sugar Baby is reasonably stigmatised – is so blurred and expansive it’s a total fog.
A new site run by the people behind Seeking Arrangement, Let’s Talk Sugar, looks to remove all that confusion and mystery, touting itself as a step-by-step guide to becoming a Sugar Baby. We spoke to one of the main contributors and ex-Sugar Baby, Brook Urick about what they’re looking to achieve.
How did you come up with the idea for the site?
Brook Urick: Well, we started with a YouTube show about the lifestyle but wanted to have original content and a proper voice for Sugar Babies. We wanted to be the Sugar Baby authority. When potential babies are wondering about being involved, they can come here and really find out what it’s like and their questions can be answered. We have in-house Sugar experts who are experienced and have tips and tricks to teach newer Babies. It’s a place where the community can come together. And there’s a forum too so they can talk between themselves and ask specific questions. There’s an expanding community and with that there’s a growing need for guidance.
Your site’s sell is “The allure of the Sugar Baby lifestyle resembles a childhood dream sold to girls from a very young age. LetsTalkSugar.com is a new website created by Sugar Babies, aiming to turn those dreams into reality.” Do you think it’s true – we’re sold the Sugar Baby lifestyle?
Brook Urick: The fairytale is a common story. It’s the Cinderella tale of a prince coming to sweep a girl off her feet and women are sold that. We’re told that men should be the provider and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going after a guy who can provide, who is going to treat you really well and most of the time, who can mentor you.
“A straight up Sugar Daddy is someone willing to spoil his baby for the right reasons. The Splenda Daddy is the guy who really wants to be a sugar daddy but doesn’t have the money.”
Many of the sugar daddies (or mommies) are CEOs or business people with connections, who can help you network, because they’re normally at least ten, fifteen years older. You could come to the lifestyle if you want a mentor or a relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for.
And if you wanted to persue a legitimate sexual relationship, you could?
Brook Urick: Absolutely. Every relationship is different and some people on the site are looking for platonic relationships only and don’t want to engage in sex and that’s fine. Some do evolve into romantic ones of course.
Like any relationship, on the surface, having a Daddy looks like a perfect arrangement. But would you challenge that straight-up assumption?
Brook Urick: While no relationship or arrangement is ever completely perfect, if our users are honest and upfront about their expectations and what they have to offer, the arrangements are near perfect. These are relationships like any others, and the bad times are bound to come with the good.
Have you heard of any incidents where a relationship has gone badly wrong? Do have a support network in place to help Sugar Babies?
Brook Urick: Online dating and dating in general is always a risk. Relationships on this site do not bear any difference to relationships formed off the website in terms of them going wrong. We offer the site as a place for women and men to come together and ask questions, share stories, and get advice. In addition to that, on SeekingArrangement, members can report other members for any reason if they feel uncomfortable.
How did you become a Baby?
Brook Urick: My background was in journalism. But I was also a Sugar Baby and didn’t really know it. I didn’t know about the term and the lifestyle surrounding it. I dated a guy who lived away from me while I was in Las Vegas and he would fly me out and buy me gifts and come here and drive us around in his Maserati. Things I couldn’t afford. But there’s nothing wrong with spending time with someone who spoils you. I didn’t ever think it was going to lead to marriage and I don’t think he did and there’s really no shame in not wanting to have a matrimonious or a traditional relationship with someone.
In the community there are a lot of acronyms and terms, could you explain some of those?
Brook Urick: So a straight up Sugar Daddy is someone willing to spoil his baby for the right reasons. A POD is a potential Sugar Daddy. Then there’s a Salt Daddy, a guy who uses the site to meet girls and pretend he will spoil them and he’s a good guy when really he’s not or just trying to get in their pants. And then there’s a Splenda Daddy – the guy who really wants to be a sugar daddy but doesn’t have the money. So we have posts about how to spot each type.
What other topics are you looking to cover?
Brook Urick: Every week I do an Ask Brook column and answer a question readers have been asking. A lot of the time girls expect money to just be thrown at them – and there are some guys who don’t think too much of just doing that – but a lot of the guys are looking for more of a connection with someone. They want to go on a few dates, see how it goes and then maybe start with the spoiling. So sometimes girls ask “It’s been two dates, and he still hasn’t given me any sugar. What’s going on?”. I answer practical questions like that.
“Some are single mothers. Some are entrepreneurs who have their own businesses and want a sugar daddy to invest in that. Sugar Baby stories are just so far-ended from each other.”
There’s a lot of delusion with what you can actually expect with this so talking about it and having the site helps. Soon we’ll be posting site hacks – different things you can do with settings or which pictures you can use to get the best responses. We cover a lot of stuff.
You call the site a “step by step guide”. If I wanted to become a sugar baby, how would I go about it?
Brook Urick: Everyone has to accept their goals from the beginning. A lot of people enter into all kinds of relationships not knowing what they want. You need to understand what you want out of the relationship, the site, a man and what your end goal is. Maybe that’s tuition, maybe that’s someone to help you start a business. From there you need to make a profile. There are about eight Daddies to every Baby on the site so you have to stand out. There aren’t enough to go around.
Who are your readers?
Brook Urick: The daddies and mommies are often really busy and don’t have time for traditional relationships and they might be experiencing unsuccessful ones with people who don’t understand their lifestyle or that they don’t want to be married or have children. Babies are in the same boat. A lot are at university, they have jobs, they’re doing their own thing but want a man to supplement that and can meet a man halfway. Anyone can be a Baby. Some are thirty, forty years old and looking for a man. Some are single mothers. Some are entrepreneurs who have their own businesses and want a Sugar Daddy to invest in that. The stories are just so far-ended from each other.
There’s a lot of stigma surrounding the women who choose to be a Baby. Was addressing that one of your goals with the site?
Brook Urick: People are just naïve and don’t realise how beneficial it is to everyone in these relationships. They assume people are being victimised or it’s illegal. There’s so much negativity around women who act like men and who are looking out for themselves and maybe use their relationships to their advantage. All the women on the site are sex positive. They’re using their bodies if and when they want to and making sure it’s on their own terms. There’s no rule where there has to be sex involved. They’re simply owning their relationships.
Of course I want the community on-site to be Sugar Babies, but I’m fine with some who come to it not being. People are welcomed to ask questions regardless and find out more, whether or not they identify as a Sugar Baby.
Where are you going to take the site in the future?
Brook Urick: At some point we want to work with brands – safety brands, especially – but in the near future we will be doing personalised coaching so people can reach out and pay a premium and get really one-on-one action so they can benefit a little more personally from it.