This Instagram account is archiving texts from drug dealers across London
Drug dealers are a funny breed. They nearly always take four times as long as they said they would to arrive, they’ve often have a totally silent mate with them and they love advertising their wares over texts. I’ve had messages over the years spanning over two texts, with whoever is texting me diving headfirst into a highly detailed explanation of their product, that will always be worse than they say it is.
Everyone has weird texts from drug dealers and continues to get them, even if you only met them once two years ago on a Tuesday night in a Yates’ in Milton Keynes. You’re in their phonebook now, and who knows, you might go back to Milton Keynes one day.
The Instagram account @shotta_texts_ldn is compiling an ongoing text message archive of London’s various nefarious. All messages are different, but all are very blunt, upfront adverts for drugs. if you want to contribute, you can submit yours by email. Let’s take a look at some of the best.
THE SHORT BUT SWEETER
This guy doesn’t like texting. He just wants you to know that his cheese and amnesia haze is available, it’s fire and you absolutely shouldn’t miss out.
THE NEEDY EX
This one’s messed you around a couple of times. He’s been late, he’s not shown up. He’s unreliable and you know it. But will you take him back? He knows he’s taken the piss, but just give him a second chance.
He’s been to Amsterdam a couple of times and doesn’t let you forget it. Keeps you in his car for longer than you’d like while he describes his new 8ft bong. Has weed magazines on subscription. Hopes he’ll win the Amsterdam Cup one day, but also harbours very serious ambitions of moving to DC. This ain’t about the money, it’s about the love.
Slightly similar to "The Artiste" but this guy sells Class As, not just weed. Turns up at parties late with a briefcase. Opens it, names drugs you’ve never heard of, they all just sound like motorways to you. You buy them, they’re fantastic. He reads Brecht at houseparties and once filled in on bass at a Libertines show.
Seriously, I just wanna put a beat under this text: