Fine, I admit it, OK? I’ve scrolled through my boyfriend’s ex’s IG until her very first digital imprint. Hey, I’m only human. I occasionally smoke when I’m stressed and often fantasise about what I’ll be like as a classy 50-year-old two-time divorcee scrolling through other people’s Instagrams. If you’re suggesting you haven’t ever indulged in a decadent dirt digging session on someone, get off your high horse. You’re either a liar or an angel of the new age.
To everyone else reading, who know what it’s like to be 182w deep in the smiling bikini shots and Frappuccino cups, terrified of accidentally revealing yourself but compelled to continue scrolling, it’s time to finally relax.
There’s now an app that’ll stop you accidentally giving a heart to a picture of your worst enemy on her birthday or your boyfriend and his ex on some European minibreak. An app that’ll stop you hysterically untapping even though you know the notification has already gone through.
Instasnoop promises snooping “without the fear of dropping your phone on your face and having your nose accidentally like an image upon impact”. It was created by a model named Olivia Orchowski who got the divine inspiration while stalking an ex’s current girlfriend, obviously.
The app gets admittedly creepy with its zoom feature and ability to view mutual follows and be alerted to those who don’t follow you back. It really takes it up a notch with the option to create a snooplist of people you don’t follow but want to check up on.
Too much. I don’t think anyone but the most obsessed will be wringing their hands with glee at those additions but, you know, whatever. It’s free to download. Olivia Orchowski, you have brought unbridled joy to countless people in the western world and simultaneously made them limitlessly creepier.