Picture this: you’ve invited your Hinge match back to your place, covertly brushed your teeth and re-deoderised in the bathroom, and now you need some music to set the tone for the rest of the evening. What are you reaching for first? Is it an eclectic playlist you curated, mysteriously titled with the purple devil emoji? Maybe it’s a single album – something by The Internet or Clairo? Or perhaps you think silence is golden? Whatever your preference, one thing is clear – everyone has a different take on what constitutes good bedroom music.

Among those who choose to play music, the range is broad. 22-year-old Jean* loves the hypnotic feeling that rock and metal gives her – specifically, London-born rock band, Sleep Token. “There are some songs in their discography that are so sensual that they automatically make you feel some sort of way [...] the guitar riffs automatically make me aroused,” she tells Dazed. Leah, a 25-year-old from Glasgow,  prefers “dreamy” hip hop. “I love Kevin Abstract’s American Boyfriend and Arizona Baby, they’re both really sexy,” she says. “When I was younger, I used to think about how they were quite ‘adult’ albums, so there’s nostalgia in it, too. Powerful emotions always make an intense experience better.”

Across the board, there are some consistencies in what we listen to in the bedroom: one 2024 survey found that pop, hip hop, and R&B are the most popular genres on dedicated Spotify sex playlists. The Weeknd is also widely regarded as the king of freaky music, as the brains behind three out of the five most popular sex songs on the aforementioned survey (just don’t be surprised if you get red-flag allegations after turning on “Often”, an anthem for toxicity and emotional detachment). 

But in an era when algorithms promote homogeneity, and many of us yearn to stand out, it can be a bit corny to put on something too obviously sexy like “Birthday Sex” by Jeremih or “Or Nah” by Ty Dolla $ign. If you’re trying to seduce a Secretary-watching, Leonard-Cohen-worshipping, esoteric diva, this is likely to be a major ick. “Songs that are viewed as ‘sexy songs’ I find really unsexy in a bedroom space. Not to call out The Weeknd, but that’s where I draw the line,” says 22-year-old Jayden. “Girl no. I would start laughing.”

Focus is a really important aspect, too – it’s usually less about what specific music is being played and more about whether it’ll be distracting. “Songs in the bedroom should feel like furniture: they give structure to the room without demanding attention to themselves,” says 26-year-old Mateo. Wordy, overly-explicit, violent or funny songs can immediately take you out of the moment (who could forget the “Cbat” sex-song scandal of 2022). Or worse – a song that closes with an extended vocal skit that has you thinking someone’s broken into your flat. 

It’s such a minefield that some of us are opting out of music in the bedroom altogether. “Sex is already quite overstimulating; it’s literally all of your senses dialled up to 100,” says Jayden. “As someone with ADHD, if there’s another layer added to that, it just gets to be far too much.” For Leah, “the sounds of sex” are sexy enough. That being said, she still enjoys music in the bedroom, especially after getting a record player. Having one cohesive album takes the stress off of finding the ‘right thing’ to play and allows you to be more “actively present”.

Songs in the bedroom should feel like furniture: they give structure to the room without demanding attention to themselves

It’s also fair to say that the type of music you put on depends on the kind of relationship you have with the person (or people) you’re getting under the covers with. Setting the mood might not be your top priority with your current low-commitment, non-monogamous, emotionally taxing situationship. Similarly, if it’s a drunken one-night stand, it’s unlikely anyone’s lighting a candle or putting on smooth jazz. Mateo also points out that “the locations for queer fucking have historically been precarious and have not allowed for a ‘vibe’ to be set. If you’re cruising, more often than not, you’ll have to make do with a shitty intercom radio playing Imagine Dragons.”

Why does setting the mood matter in the first place? “Context is everything,” says Cassie Rattray, sex educator and activist. “If we feel stressed, rushed, disconnected, or distracted by the dog, it’s going to be much harder for us to be present and for our body to respond.” Music, then, gets us out of our heads and into the present moment. “The right environment can help create the sexual context you need to forget about fear, anxiety, work stress or whatever else is putting your foot on the breaks, giving you a better chance of having fulfilling, pleasurable sex,” she continues. 

When there is the opportunity to create a more intentional atmosphere, music is an incredibly powerful tool. It’s a sort of “sensory anchor,” Rattray says; a way to detach from the day-to-day chaos and ground yourself in a more sensual and relaxed environment. Not only does it lower our cortisol levels, but it also activates our emotional reward system, contributing to an even better sexual experience. “[Music] triggers a release of dopamine, which can heighten anticipation and pleasure, and can make touch and movement feel more intense,” she adds.

Whether you’re listening to Sleep Token, putting on the same trusty Netflix film for background noise, or opting for nothing at all, what’s most important is communication. Whether you’re getting between the sheets with a two-year-long situationship or a one-night stand, it’s always worth checking in to make sure your partner is enjoying themselves (and your painstakingly curated death metal playlist) – or whether it’s time to switch things up.

*Name has been changed