There are many things you can expect at the big European summer festivals, and certainly at Primavera, which translates to spring, although is held right on the brink of summer. Picture: Super Bock flowing like water, music so loud your organs rearrange themselves, some questionable spatial awareness, and the rare oxygen break in among the clouds of… well, you know. But it’s all part of the wonderfully sweat-stained mayhem.

However, there is somewhat of a little secret for those of us who crave the same stellar acts, the same sun-kissed vibes, the same international cool-kid crowd – just, you know, dialled down somewhat. Perhaps it is the discerning festival-goer’s choice? Primavera Porto: Barcelona’s little, slightly more sensible sister. She still loves a late night, for sure, but she’s not setting herself up with any hangovers or regrets. No, you won’t get the full Primavera line-up, but you will get one that’s slightly more manageable and a great time regardless.

It’s all so civilised, so manageable – even family-friendly. On our way in, we passed a pint-sized toddler, secured by one of those child harnesses, dragging his poor mother past us in a fit of pre-festival glee, queue-jumping in his frantic excitement. And during Michael Kiwanuka’s set, a tiny princess, all twirls and tulle, started a dance party for one. Even the young ones know how to get the party started. Here’s what went down at this year's Primavera Sound Porto.

BRAT IS BURNING DOWN

It’s been quite fascinating watching the Brat-green album cover slowly rot as Charli xcx traipses across the world, effortlessly pushing her naughty agenda. At Primavera Porto, the Brat flag was, quite fittingly, in tatters – a glorious sign of an era nearing its spectacular end. Charli, however, showed no signs of slowing down in her trademark knee-highs and knee-pad combo, paired with a crisp, cropped white shirt. She had the crowd pumped before she even hit the stage. You have to hand it to her: it takes a rare talent to command a crowd like that, just one girl, mic in hand, under the assault of blinding strobe lights. Charli’s angels were out in full, glorious effect, a hazy blur of vape smoke and Brat-green.

HAIM ARE STILL IN SYNC

Much to our dismay, we were not treated to the viral One More HAIM tour synchronised dance intro. Instead, we were treated to a message board screen/virtual assistant which flashed messages like, “I quit relationships because I was so in love with someone for a whole year and it was all a lie. He lived in London and I was in the States. We saw each other once a month and every time we got together it was like a movie. We talked about moving to where he was and starting a life together. I decided to surprise him for Valentine’s Day and when I got to his…” You’ll just have to see them live to get the rest of that story.

TATTOO OR NOT TO TAT

We could not resist the candy store and walked out with more kilograms of liquorice than my own bodyweight but I did, however, after much deliberation, avoid getting one of those regrettable holiday ink jobs. Still, you absolutely can, next year! Don’t let us stop you. In fact, whenever we strolled by, the tattoo parlour was never empty. Perhaps we missed out after all.

TRUTH OR THE DARE?

Imagine a cobra snake picture. Well, that’s what this might sound like. Somewhere between the dance-punk of LCD Soundsystem and the irreverent pop of the Ting Tings. It’s pure, unadulterated, nostalgia-fuelled fun. Honestly, whatever you want to call it, it was an absolute whale of a time.

Much like Charli, with whom he frequently collaborates, the Dare is a one-man army, equipped with an full arsenal of strobe lights. His signature slim black suit and those blacked-out shades were, naturally, in attendance. He genuinely looked like he was having the time of his life behind his drum set. It was a bit of a shame he was on so late; the crowd seemed to struggle to keep pace with his boundless energy towards the end. Nevertheless, a job exceptionally well done.

WHAT THE FCUKERS?

Fcukers, of “Bon Bon” fame, consists of Shanon Wise, their lead vocalist and producer Jackson Walker Lewis. Their music consists of dancefloor-filling bangers that, much like the Dare, are nostalgia-fuelled with a hint of hedonism. Their slot was perfectly timed for their speed as the last acts of the night from 2am to 3am. If you were looking for a good time, this was the place to be.