A brief history of Azealia Banks’ savage Elon Musk burns

In probably the weirdest celebrity feud ever, last summer Azealia Banks camped out at Elon Musk’s house, refusing to leave until his girlfriend Grimes came and recorded a song with her. The bizarre turn of events led to revelations of Musk’s “giant dick”, Banks issuing – then deleting – a public apology, and the Tesla CEO being sued for fraud (earlier this year, it was reported that Banks and Grimes may have to testify).

One year later and it seems the rivalry was never put to rest, as Banks has announced the release of an upcoming track that appears to imagine Musk’s “public execution”. In a now-deleted Instagram post, the rapper shared details of one of two songs that were filtered out of her recent 30-minute release, “Yung Rapunxel Pt II”. 

Set in 3030, “96’ Corolla (Motorman)” tells the story of ‘Alon Dust’, “a wealthy technocrat” who “devises the perfect scheme to entice poor people into allowing their brains to be used as an interface”. Coincidentally the venture is called ‘Neuralink’, the name of Musk’s company that’s actually working on mind-reading software.

In Banks’ song, Alon Dust’s “neural activity” is eventually cut off by the “AI Overlord” – played by the musician herself – “rendering him a vegetable and erasing him as a threat to humanity”. 

In honour of this new chapter in our favourite feud, we look back at Banks’ most savage Musk burns – please bear in mind they’re straight from the playground, which means they’re awful and incredible – ranking them from first-degree to Get Me To The Crematorium.

HER DISGUST AT A THREESOME SUGGESTION

During her time at Chateau Musk, Banks came to the conclusion that she was actually invited there for a threesome, rather than the music collaboration she signed up for. The rapper said that in the run-up to the meeting, she was told by Grimes that her boyfriend thought she was hot. In response to what she described as “some weird threesome sex shit”, Banks delivered our first burn of the list: “The nerve of these crackheads to think I would put my fully human lips on them.” The suggestion here being that not only is Musk addicted to crack cocaine, but he’s also an alien who is too “crusty” for Banks to kiss.

Degree of burn: Touching the crack pipe when it’s a little bit too hot

DECLARING HE HAD A ‘SHRINKING DICK’

In this drag, Banks insinuated Musk was using Grimes, only taking her to the Met Gala – where they revealed their relationship – to “hide his shrinking dick from Amber Heard”. Musk dated Heard from 2016 before the two split up a year later, reuniting six months after that, and breaking up again the following month (three months before the Met Gala). Dragging someone’s dick size is a classic schoolyard jape, but it’s also incredibly uncreative. Banks can do better IMO.

Degree of burn: A UTI that clears up in two to three days with a course of antibiotics

‘TRASH ASS BETA MALE PIG’

Here, Banks has gone for a handful of neat insults rolled into one devastating put-down: quick to deliver, absolutely searing to take. “This trash ass beta male pig,” Banks eloquently begins, “was given his start in life because his disgusting racist parents took advantage of thousands of black people… Ask Elon Musk what the fuck he does for Africa?” The rapper continued on her ‘weak man’ ridicule, later describing the billionaire as “a beta male who took steroids and got hair plugs to convince himself he was alpha”. Puny, pathetic, and bald – take that, Musk.

Degree of burn: Tucking into your hog roast before it cools down (sorry, vegetarians)

‘I WOULDN’T GIVE HIM THE CREDIT OF CALLING HIM AN ALIEN’

This is not the first time Banks has alluded to Musk’s otherworldly heritage (see above), but it is the inaugural introduction of the entrepreneur’s backstory. “I wouldn’t give him the credit of calling him an alien,” delivered the rapper (a nice implication here that potentially mythological aliens are higher up in the food chain than Musk). “He’s a mutant. His humanoid group emerged/crawled out of the Caucasus cave system 15,000 years after the first caucasian homosapiens did.” This is maybe one of the most creative burns on the list, and actually paints a picture that I kind of… believe? Like, yes this is obviously how Musk was born.

Degree of burn: Re-entering the sweltering darkness of your Caucasus birth cave

‘UNGRATEFUL TECHNOCRAT WHOSE EGO IS TOO BIG FOR HIS BRITCHES’

This isn’t actually a particularly good drag, but to give credit where credit is due, Banks has written a whole song about how much she hates Musk. Not only has she spent time crafting music and lyrics inspired by her deep loathing, but she’s fucking killed him off! In a public execution! Where the “people rejoice”! Too hot to touch.

Degree of burn: I mean, Musk is dead, isn’t he?

‘THIN GREY LIPS AND FROGGY EYELIDS’

This is basically the written version of the school bully giving you a noogie during morning break. It’s pathetic, yes, but it’s also so unbelievably humiliating that you still remember it to this day. The burn goes: “He’s ugly. The thin grey lips and froggy eyelids. Un-uniformed hair growth pattern. Pork skin.” The most perfect thing about this drag is the mundanity of it all; the fact that chastising the uniformity of how someone’s hair grows is now a biting insult leaves absolutely no-one safe. With this burn, Banks has completely changed the way the world works, and we should all be terrified.

Degree of burn: Being turned into dust at the Crematorium