It’s official: when we thought Rihanna couldn’t possibly win anymore at life, Barbados’ prime minister announced official plans to open a museum in her name. Now, we all know that Riri can work (work, work, work, and work); aside from launching a brand new clothing label earlier this year (avec realistic mannequins), selling beauty products or lingerie under her Fenty brand, and acting alongside Donald Glover in Guava Island, she’s literally an ambassador for her native Barbados and she’s helping raise over $2 billion for global education.
Clearly she’s got a lot of projects under her umbrella (ella, ella, eh, eh), so we thought we’d help her out by choosing all the things we think should go in her museum. You’re welcome.
But if she’s not doing any of the above, she’s making a stand against food and drink wastage by taking her unfinished wine glasses out of restaurants. Waste not want not: https://t.co/AwQnIPyErypic.twitter.com/DxGZ5saYIb
No museum dedicated to Rihanna would be complete without a collection of every single wine glass she has ever inadvertently stolen from a bar, hotel or restaurant (the list goes on). The 30-year-old’s not-so-secret habit came to the fore during an interview on BBC One’s The Graham Norton Show last year with a photograph of the singer walking out of a fashion show in head-to-toe Balenciaga, and a glass of chardonnay (obvs). When she’s forgoing the wine, she’s sipping from a diamond-encrusted flask like at the 2017 Grammys.
It’s the ultimate SS20 nighttime accessory. Purse? Check. Phone? Check. Wine? Always. Fenty with a side of frizzante, anyone?
HER OUTFIT FROM THE MET GALA (AND OTHER MAJOR FASHUN MOMENTS)
By now, it’s very clear that Rihanna lives on a different plain to us mere mortals. Her Papal-chic lewk at the 2018 Met Gala by John Galliano slayed the show, and lest we forget her ornate yellow (pizza) gown by Chinese fashion designer Guo Pei in 2015. There’s also an archive of Bajan carnival looks to choose to display for some true Rih patriotism. Then there’s her movie lewks – her seven costume changes and gooey form from when she played a burlesque dancing alien in Luc Besson’s Valerian, her laptop prop as hacker extraordinaire Nineball in Ocean’s 8, her navy cap and uniform from Battleship, and those iconic low-rise jeans from Bring It On: All or Nothing. Oh, and then that red heart-shaped Saint Laurent coat. All hail Pope RiRi.
A JET SKI SIMULATION RIDE
In 2017, bad gal RiRi showed us how badass she really is by riding a jet ski with her legs crossed, people. So flaunt your best oceanic sidesaddle with our very own jet ski simulator. Big mood.
AN INSTALLATION OF RIHANNA REACTION GIFS
So entrenched in the online cultural canon is Rihanna that it’s near-impossible to imagine her without the hundreds of reaction gifs and memes currently circulating the web. It could include, “do my tits bother you? They’re covered in swarovski crystals gurl”; or the ones of her swigging alcohol out of her jewelled flask; and that time she swerved Drake kissing her, or when she rolled up a car window incredulously. Bye, girl.
A BARE PEDESTAL WITH “RIHANNA’S NEW ALBUM”
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Or perhaps just that smoked-out butt of the spliff she rolled on her security guard’s head during Coachella that one time.
A ROLLING VISUAL GALLERY OF HER BEST CLAPBACKS
Rihanna is the clapback queen. Remember that time she told Kendall Jenner to stay at home (“so don’t come”), or when she told singer Ciara on Twitter, “good luck with bookin that stage u speak of”? Guess she ran out of fucks to give.
Our queen loves a spliff, so the museum should reflect one of her most significant interests with some artefacts – the joint she rolled on her security guard’s big bald head while on his shoulders at Coachella in 2012, the blunt she stared so lovingly at while lounging contemplatively on a sunlounger by herself.
A ‘DISTURBIA’-STYLE HAUNTED HOUSE
Barred prison cells, rogue flames, red lights, taxidermy and the odd mannequin – walk through a haunted made to resemble the set of RiRi’s Disturbia music video. It’s just like the ones you went to as a kid, but sexier.
EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP
No museum would be complete without a gift shop, so expect Rihanna-style umbrellas, “SOS” plasters, “Shut Up and Drive” bumper stickers, “Bitch Better Have My Money” purses and more. Oh, and RiRi’s IRL mini doppelgänger as shop manager, please.