Brianna Moore, a 24-year-old from Oklahoma, isn’t shy about her politics. She regularly attends protests advocating for Palestine and for action for climate change, posts her political stances on social media, and says she’s always forthcoming about the issues that are important to her. As a left-leaning woman living in a red state, however, Moore admits that this has made her love life more difficult. 

One of her previous situationships, for example, had at first told Moore that he identified as a moderate, and that he supported the causes she protested for. But when she noticed that he had reshared posts from the late conservative activist Charlie Kirk, Moore had serious doubts. After looking up his voter registration, she saw that her situationship, who also later told her he was interested in a “tradwife lifestyle”, was actually a registered Republican. “It was definitely not something that I felt like we were aligned on, though I initially thought we were,” she says.

Moore is part of a cohort that has, more than any other demographic in the United States, grown more left-wing: Gen-Z women. A poll recently published by The 19th reported that Gen-Z women are now the most liberal group in America, with a majority supporting issues like abortion and gender-affirming care at higher rates than the national average. Straight young men, on the other hand, are not experiencing this same shift. Though there’s been much discussion around young men’s reported shift to the right, a 2024 poll from Gallup indicated that the growing political gap between men and women, which is widest between 18- and 29-year-olds, is actually a result of women becoming more left-wing at a faster rate than men, rather than men making a dramatic shift towards conservatism. 

It’s worth noting that this is a generation of young women who witnessed the overturning of Roe v. Wade, came of age during the #MeToo movement, and are more likely to earn a four-year degree than their male counterparts. Regardless of the cause, young Americans’ growing political differences have, of course, had implications for straight, heterosexual dating, especially for young women who, like Moore, reside in conservative areas. “I think I have just kind of given up,” says the 24-year-old, who noted the difficulties of finding men in her state who share her viewpoints. “A lot of my female friends have, over the past year, taken a backseat on dating as well.” 

When we’re feeling that our rights to actually live are being threatened on a day-to-day basis, our nervous system and our alarms are going to be a lot more heightened than somebody who doesn’t feel like anything’s going to be taken away

Though the country’s increasingly polarised state has long impacted couples, Lisa Chen, a marriage and family therapist who works with clients of all ages, says that political alignment is starting to become even more important to younger generations than it was to their predecessors, and is even viewed as being more important than chemistry or looks. “Dating for Gen Z is more about identity, values, and shared needs,” says Chen. “Whereas for different generations, it was more about stability and marriage and what a family might be.”

Chen also notes that, for women, the stakes naturally feel higher. “I have many couples in my practice where the woman is really alarmed, scared and anxious about the political divide and what’s happening in our current administration, whereas the man is fine and doesn’t necessarily see it as much of a threat,” says Chen. “When we’re feeling that our rights to actually live are being threatened on a day-to-day basis, our nervous system and our alarms are going to be a lot more heightened than somebody who doesn’t feel like anything’s going to be taken away.”

Dr Terri Orbuch, a sociology professor and relationship researcher, agrees that, for younger Americans, political affiliation matters more and more in dating. “It’s not just about who you vote for anymore,” says Orbuch. “The political landscape and climate are influencing Gen-Zers because it represents so much more these days; it represents these core identities that are important to how we see ourselves.” 

Even those who have previously been open to dating someone more conservative are experiencing this shift towards prioritising political alignment in dating firsthand. Sophie Vincent, a 21-year-old college student in Florida, is a Democrat from Tennessee, and in the past, has dated across party lines. As she’s gotten older, however, an alignment in beliefs has become more important to her. “The second I see ‘conservative’ on a dating app, I immediately swipe past,” says Vincent. “I don’t even look at the rest of the profile; once I see that, I know it’s not going to work.” The concern is a perceived lack of understanding. “I think that lack of empathy is one of the biggest issues in Gen Z, specifically among men,” says Vincent. “There’s so much apathy in Gen Z; in men, it’s coming off that this apathy is turning into hatred.”

Chloe*, a liberal 21-year-old from Ohio, echoed this sentiment. “The disconnect right now is a lack of compassion, a lack of caring for other people,” says the college student, who recently broke up with her boyfriend over a difference in political beliefs. Having grown up in a conservative area, Chloe was initially fine with dating a Republican. After her now-ex began continuously posting anti-immigrant rhetoric online, however, she eventually ended the relationship. “I think he became more comfortable, as the country did,” she says. 

The second I see ‘conservative’ on a dating app, I immediately swipe past. I don’t even look at the rest of the profile; once I see that, I know it’s not going to work

Another factor that seems to be contributing to dating difficulties is the increasingly different attitudes young Americans have towards gender expectations. In the same poll by The 19th and Survey Monkey, men were more likely to respond that they believed society would benefit from a return to traditional gender roles (though Gen Z men were less likely to feel this way than their older counterparts). As women evolve past feeling like they need men, this conversation has gained traction globally, as well. In her recent viral British Vogue essay, writer Chanté Joseph pointed out that having a boyfriend doesn’t carry that cultural cache it once did. And, in my conversations with liberal and leftist young women dating in conservative states, it was clear that gender expectations were indeed a sore spot; the term “tradwife,” aka internet shorthand for a woman who embraces the role of homemaker, came up repeatedly. 

Anna*, a 23-year-old from Texas, is now in a happy relationship with a fellow democratic socialist, but recalled a past Hinge date gone wrong. “We sat down at the restaurant, and began discussing what we’re looking for,” she says. “Then, he started talking about how he wants to get married young, and have his wife stay home and take care of the home and kids. He tried to imply that, in general, that’s what all men want, but are afraid to say.” 

In Anna’s opinion, young people’s tendency to be “chronically online” is at least in part a cause of this current gender divide, especially because men and women are fed and consuming very different content. “A lot of times it’s harmless,” says Anna. “But if you have someone who’s feeling rejected or outcast from society, I feel like they can very easily fall into that alt-right pipeline online, and I think that creates a really big disconnect between young men and women.” 

Dating experts like Jennifer Styers, a relationship counsellor and matchmaker based in Texas, also feel that the internet has played a role in young people’s aversion to dating outside party lines, arguing that a lack of in-person experience makes having difficult conversations, well, more difficult. “When most of your interactions are online, there’s no actual confrontation that you’re having,” says Styers. “Conflict skills are at an all-time low.” 

As our digital algorithms create echo chambers in which our own views are reflected back to us, it’s not hard to imagine how this might affect dating, especially given that romantic relationships, as many experts pointed out, are about a shared set of values. “The more that we see our political views, the more they become ingrained in our belief system,” says Chen. “Communication is broken down, and it’s much easier to block somebody or ghost someone than actually have a conversation with that person.”

While it’s impossible to place the blame for young men and women’s political divergence on a singular factor, it’s clear that for young women, political apathy has become a dating dealbreaker. “When you’re growing up in a time when the dominant political party is using fascism, I don’t think you can sit back and say ‘Well, I don’t care about politics,’” says Vincent. “Because politics care about you.” 

*Name has been changed to protect anonymity

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