I’ve been living with my parents for the last year, and though on paper that reality may sound diabolically bad (as much for them as for me) it’s actually been surprisingly chill. Ways that it’s similar to house-shares I’ve been in previously: I get on well with the people I live with, I cook for myself and sometimes for others, I come and go as I please, I flag when I’m having my friends over and I try not to exist too obnoxiously in shared spaces. Ways that it’s different to house-shares I’ve been in previously: my mum and dad are here! They are always here! They are here because it is their house!!!!

Contributing to the (relative) effortlessness of this situation is the fact that for the first 10 or so months of me being here, I was almost entirely disinterested in sex, love and romance. When I left London for South Wales in 2024, I was in a relationship and then quickly – perhaps predictably – I wasn’t. What followed was a period of celibacy over the autumn, winter and early spring that spared both myself and my parents from awkward hallway run-ins or premature introductions to people I was still sizing up. 

It’s not unusual for someone in their twenties, thirties or later to eye up a parental pitstop

But you can’t keep a good lover girl down, and earlier this summer, I did start to date again. I’ve rarely been anxious about first dates, but this time I braced for impact, fretfully anticipating when conversations might turn towards my living situation. What thorny questions would I have to answer? What tightropes would I be made to walk? What sturdy explanations and justifications would I need to make so that I might be permitted to share small plates with London’s most eligible?

In reality, all of the people I connected with on the apps were somewhere from neutral to curious to positive about my living at home, and many had even eyed up a return themselves. This is depressing from a socioeconomic standpoint, but a happy discovery for me. Between rent hikes, private landlords, rolling contracts, low wages and the challenges of saving for a house, it’s not unusual for someone in their twenties, thirties or later to eye up a parental pitstop. 

If you’re living at home currently, either still or again, I advise total honesty from the very beginning. I’ve done the sums and there’s really no way around it. Whether you’re there to save money, because life has kicked you hard in the back of both knees or simply because your folks are great and you’re not ready to leave them: you should tell the truth to everyone you meet and you should tell it with as little hand-wringing as possible. You could try and pass your parents off as your older roommates who just happen to have loads of your baby pictures up and share the same surname as you, but why bother? Dating is hard enough without the hassle of half-truths or thinking up ever more outlandish reasons to avoid bringing someone home for months on end. Explain it early, lay out a rough roadmap for moving out (if you have one), and then allow your date to decide if this works for them or not. My experience suggests this fear is usually misplaced, and though some people may find this a dealbreaker or make faulty and cruel assumptions about your level of independence and maturity, this will not cost you the interest of anyone truly worth building a future with.

Dating while living at home can be an opportunity to be more creative in your date planning

From a logistical perspective, dating while you’re living at home usually means the other person’s place becomes the default option for sleepovers, movie nights and dinners at home. Acknowledge this and discuss in practical terms how this will work. If your parents are open to you bringing people over in a romantic capacity, then have a possibly awkward but definitely necessary conversation about it. Perhaps that looks like sharing a calendar so you can make the most of nights when they’re not in, or agreeing a fair and respectful way you can occupy different areas of the house until you feel totally ready to let everyone mingle. This can be a faff, I won’t lie, but it’s one way you can avoid feeling like a prisoner or victim of your circumstances. 

I have friends in the same situation as me who have tried to offset embarrassment by only calling their parents by their first names or even downplaying their familial closeness to make the situation feel as practical and businesslike as possible. I try not to do this, not least because I don’t want to disrespect my parents or their generosity. Also, who cares! If you’ve never felt ashamed to be close to housemates in the past, then don’t do it now. Family and community and harmony and respect are both admirable and valuable, especially in an increasingly individualistic and isolated world. For many people a long stint in the family home is entirely normal, and many of us can take instruction and hope from that. If your life at home isn’t all that harmonious, then you can explain this too. As adults house share longer and later in life, you’re unlikely to meet anyone in the dating pool who doesn’t at least sort of understand what it’s like to live with people who are difficult, particular and who you’re eager to eventually break away from. 

Dating while living at home can be an opportunity to be more creative in your date planning and also much more intentional with the alone time you do have together. It can help weed out judgemental types and people who only want to date if it requires almost nothing of them. Remember too that living at home as an adult isn’t a moral failing – but being a prick to someone about it is. Keep this in mind and you’ll do just fine.