According to her Instagram bio, Jen Winston is a “bisexual author with perfect opinions”. This, however, doesn’t mean she actually thinks she’s always right when it comes to relationships. Winston is more than willing to compromise on almost-would-be dealbreakers and likes to write love stories that balance between being both “cheesy and messy.” Their witty and provocative memoir, Greedy: Notes from a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much, took us through their journey of self-discovery. Now, they’ve partnered with a real couple, Caitlin and Tian, to explore the baggage we all bring into new relationships for the No Ordinary Love anthology. No Ordinary Love is the second part of an anthology of modern romantic prose, challenging love story tropes and clichéd narratives by celebrating the differing perspectives and unexpected plot twists of real love. It features the stories of five real couples who met on Hinge, written by five fresh literary voices: Hunter Harris, Tomasz Jedrowski, Jen Winston, Upasna Barath and William Rayfet Hunter.

You can read Caitlin and Tian’s story now at no-ordinary-love.co. Ahead of the release, we spoke with Winston about opposites attracting, bringing ‘everything that’s happened to you’ into a new relationship, travelling as a couple and other lessons from working with a real Hinge couple throughout this process.

What’s a love story you wish you wrote and why?

Jen Winston: Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. I love that the love story is about friendship. I’m always really interested in the different ways love can come to life.

This isn’t your first time writing about love. Did starting with a real couple change your approach?

Jen Winston: It was interesting because it was more journalistic. I’m a memoirist. I wrote a memoir, Greedy: Notes from a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much, about my partner who I just married. I wrote about our love story, so I do have experience taking something from real life and putting a lens that reads like fiction. But when you’re doing it about someone else, you don’t want to get the details wrong. Also, I wanted to write in the present tense because I wanted the first date story to feel immersive, like you were in it. Often, the way to do that best involves dialogue and action on the page. When you are writing someone else's story, you have to ask yourself, ‘Does this sound like something they’d say?’ 

This story starts with Caitlin’s baggage. What do you think the story says about the things we all bring with us into new relationships?

Jen Winston: What I liked about this project overall is the fact that Hinge wanted us to explore the messiness of relationships. It’s not like you come to a relationship with a blank page. You arrive with everything that’s happened to you. One of the reasons I felt so welcomed by my partner when we first met is that I’m bisexual, and he was not put off by my past with cis men. What I brought to the relationship in the beginning was really important. You can tell so much by how Tian responds to Caitlin’s ex being in the situation. 

I loved the small moments you included where they are both in their own heads, completely unaware that the other is thinking and feeling similarly. How did these synchronised moments shape how the story came together?

Jen Winston: At first, I thought it would be hard to jump between different perspectives, but those moments became very clear when speaking with the couple. We were supposed to meet for one-hour sessions, but we ended up going over two hours – we were just hanging. I got to see their vibe together, and they weren’t afraid to tell me all the details. There’s a detail about Tian waiting in the subway and trying to figure out how to stand. I didn’t pick that up, he told me that. When you get those kinds of details from people, it sounds better than fiction. It’s reality. 

The story showcases two people’s perspectives on the same dating process. How did you get into the heads of both Caitlin and Tian?

Jen Winston: They had reflected on their first date so many times. Like most couples, they had a story of how they met, but I don’t think they’d gotten that deep into it. I needed to know what happened and what they were feeling in every moment. There was a moment where I was like, ‘Wow, I’m like a couples therapist right now.’ Both of them were sharing their thoughts and feelings with me, and it was cool.

What I liked about this project overall is the fact that Hinge wanted us to explore the messiness of relationships. It’s not like you come to a relationship with a blank page. You arrive with everything that’s happened to you

What’s your favourite thing about writing about love?

Jen Winston: What else is there to write about? It’s such a basic human need and a universal thing. I like writing about when it’s messy. I like it when it’s cheesy and messy at the same time.

Did your own perspective change at all on Caitlin and Tian’s relationship story or timeline throughout the process?

Jen Winston: It was nice to push beyond it being so rosy. They fell in love, moved and now they’re travelling the world, and it’s incredible. But it’s cool to push beyond that and figure out what hurdles were there. Their love story, obviously, had not been without its challenges. To delve deeper into that and watch it unfold was interesting. 

Tian asks Caitlin to join him on a big move to explore Asia together. Why do you think this idea of living in the moment and putting yourself out there is important for conversations around dating and romance today?

Jen Winston: Tian describes himself as a street cat, and Caitlin is more of a house cat with a longing to become a street cat. Opposites truly attract in so many ways, but it can cause those rocky beginnings. My partner is extremely clean, and I never thought I could be with someone who is clean, but I’ve learned. What could have been almost a deal-breaker at the beginning makes our relationship great. So I think for the two of them, to be able to see that this person might be very different, but there are so many things we have in common that put us toward the same ultimate goal, means maybe we are even better together.

What makes a digital connection a compelling starting point for a story?

Jen Winston: In the case of Caitlin and Tian, they talked and couldn’t find the time to meet, so they were talking digitally for two weeks before they even met. Initially, and often throughout the relationship, communication is digital. There is another communication style that is important to establish. If you’re a big texter with banter, and the other person can’t text banter with you, that will come up at some point. Even if you live together, you’ll have to confront that again. I do feel like it’s a real part of the relationship and Tian was actually really attached to his Hinge presence. He took a screenshot of his profile because he didn’t want it to disappear. He’d obviously put a lot of hard thought into his answers. Even the opening line is an art, and I think it’s just fun. Tian is a bit of a digital archivist, so he took screenshots of their first messages.

Did you learn anything new about your approach to relationships while writing Caitlin and Tian's story?

Jen Winston: I used to travel all the time before I met my partner. He was not a big traveller for a variety of reasons. This made me miss travelling and say to him, ‘We should travel somewhere together.’ I know that’s superficial, but they are having these amazing adventures. Also, Caitlin’s experience co-parenting a cat with her ex made me really value the third dynamic that animals can bring into a relationship, even if you don’t get them together.