It’s no secret that many of us aren’t too fussed about having sex or dating right now. Countless studies suggest that many of us are embracing celibacy: a 2021 report by Rutgers University found that both men and women aged 18 to 23 are having 14 per cent less casual sex than young adults ten years prior, while the number of celibate Feeld users in London grew by 235 per cent in 2024. Relatedly, according to a 2023 poll from the Survey Centre on American Life, 41 per cent of Gen Z adults say they didn’t have a relationship at any point in their teen years, compared to only 31 per cent of millennials and 24 per cent of Gen X.

There are lots of reasons why significant numbers of young people are consciously opting out of sex and dating at the moment – “some positive, some less so,” says Dr Natasha McKeever, a lecturer in applied ethics at the University of Leeds and co-director of the university’s Centre for Love, Sex and Relationships. “On the positive side, young people are reportedly drinking less, so they may be having less drunk sex that they regret. They may just be prioritising other things, including friendships, careers, education and other interests. Plus, being single is less socially stigmatised than it once was, especially for women.”

But there could be some more worrying factors at play, too. “Individuals may be re-prioritising to look for stability and comfort during uncertain times, rather than entering the – somewhat unpredictable – world of intimate relationships,” suggests psychotherapist and author Eloise Skinner. Dr McKeever adds that dating apps have made it harder for some to find genuine connections. “Increased use of dating apps has, for many, made dating feel less authentic, less fun, less romantic,” she says. “And as they do it less, young people may also feel more nervous about approaching each other in real life. So if they don’t want to use dating apps, then swearing off dating and sex may feel like the only option.”

I’d recommend that people connect with the core ‘why’ behind the desire to get back into dating and sex

Some of us genuinely aren’t interested sex and relationships at all and might identify as asexual or aromantic. Others, though, might view their abstinence as a more temporary state of affairs. But if you’ve been voluntarily celibate for a while – years, perhaps – dipping your toe back into the dating world can often feel overwhelming. If you’re looking to end a long dry spell, don’t fret: here are our best tips for navigating it.

UNDERSTAND YOUR MOTIVATIONS

“Don’t rush into anything,” Dr McKeever urges. Skinner agrees. “I’d recommend that people connect with the core ‘why’ behind the desire to get back into dating and sex,” she says.

Ask yourself questions to get to the bottom of your newfound urge to dive back into the dating pool. Has anything made you feel compelled to end your dry spell? Did you feel jealous after your ex soft-launched their new partner on Instagram? Did your best friend get into a relationship and make you panic about being ‘left behind’? It could be worth interrogating whether you really want to start dating again or whether you’re doing so just because other people are.

On the other hand, perhaps you feel you’ve turned a corner and genuinely are ready to start dating again. Maybe you’ve been to therapy, finally processed a painful break-up, or simply steeled yourself for another Hinge re-download after some much-needed time away. (Worth stressing here that if you’re simply horny and feel emotionally ready, that’s reason enough too.)

UNPACK YOUR DESIRES

So, you’ve done some soul-searching and concluded that you definitely want to start dating and having sex again. Great! Next, it’s important to unpack exactly what it is you want in order to find the right partner(s) for you. “Understanding your motivations and desires at a deeper level can help to shape behaviour in a way that feels aligned with your individual values, and can also help to get your needs met more effectively,” Skinner says.

Are you looking to explore your sexuality with similarly open-minded people? Perhaps it could be worth downloading a sex-positive dating app like Feeld or attending a party like Klub Verboten. Or are you keen to settle down and date someone long-term? Make sure to focus your efforts on people who are also demonstrably ready to commit (lest you end up in a painful, protracted situationship). “There are also now many, many different dating apps available, catering to a huge range of different preferences and personality types,” Dr McKeever says.

DON’T FEEL COMPELLED TO USE APPS

‘Dating’ and ‘using dating apps’ appear to have become synonymous in recent years, with an estimated 60 per cent of all couples meeting online. But if you’d rather drink bleach than come up with a suitably funny answer to “We’re the same type of weird if…”, then you don’t need to force yourself. “There has been an increase in-real-life dating events being put on across the country,” Dr McKeever says. Something like speed dating, which you could attend with a fellow single friend, can be a fun way of easing back into dating without putting loads of pressure on yourself.

If the idea of heading to a singles event still really cringes you out, don’t fret. “Spend some time considering options for ways to meet people,” Dr McKeever suggests. “Being match-made by mutual friends can often be the best way to meet someone.” And while it’s arguably a little taboo nowadays, I’d even recommend considering whether you could have a romantic or sexual spark with any of your pre-existing friends (it’s what people used to do pre-dating apps, after all) – especially as sex is arguably a little less daunting if it’s with someone you already know and trust.

While it’s difficult to meet someone in real life, evidently, it’s not impossible. “Of course, there’s always the old method of just sparking up a conversation with someone while out and about, and seeing where it goes – while being careful to notice if the recipient doesn’t seem interested,” Dr McKeever adds. For more tips, you can always read our comprehensive guide on how to meet someone in real life.

There are few substitutes for clear, honest, and open communication

COMMUNICATE

If you’ve met someone you’re interested in, it’s a good idea to be frank and let them know that you’ve been out of the game for a little while. You don’t have to make it a big deal – it isn’t a big deal! – but it’ll help reduce the chances of confusion or upset if you tell any new partners that you’ve not been dating or having sex recently, especially if you’d initially appreciate a lot of time and space within your new relationship. “There are few substitutes for clear, honest, and open communication,” Dr McKeever says.

If you’re on the other side of the equation and are dating someone who is coming out of a long dry spell, try your best to make them feel as comfortable, safe and secure as possible. “Asking the other partner about their experiences, preferences and desires can help you understand their perspective, and also often has the added benefit of developing deeper trust and connection between you,” Skinner says. “It might also be helpful to slow things down – allow the relationship time and space to develop and trust that if you and your partner have a lasting connection, it doesn’t need to be rushed.”