When I first became single in 2023, I was told over and over again that I’d need to download a dating app if I wanted to find a date. “That’s just how it works now,” friends who’d been using the apps optimistically (but unsuccessfully) told me, much to my aching despair.

By the time we broke up, I’d been with my ex — who I met in person — for seven years, and had zero interest in dipping my toes into the dystopian world of online dating. Seeing the wave of anti-dating app discourse and the constant deleting and redownloading of Hinge in my wider social circle and beyond, I promised myself I’d never download a dating app.

After almost two years, my conviction is yet to sway and I’m still adamant that the idée fixe of many modern daters – that the apps have destroyed our chances of finding a relationship while simultaneously being our only hope – is a trap. While it’s true that dating apps have shifted social norms and made it a little harder to meet people in the wild, we don’t have to participate in this culture. 

If there was ever a time to try and meet someone offline, it would be right now: with a boom in in-person dating events, dwindling dating app use, and the heavenly twinkle of a shift towards dating optimism, there’s hope for us yet. Here are our best tips on how to find someone IRL. 

GO OUTSIDE

If you want to meet someone in real life, you have to actually go out into the world. If you’re a little too comfortable in your own company, consider getting a new hobby or joining a club. But I really do believe you can find love pretty much anywhere – you’ll up your chances just by working in the office (or a café or workspace, if you’re a freelancer) for a couple of days per week, or even just going out on regular walks. I met the last guy I dated in the street, and you’d be surprised how much we had in common.

According to creator Jessica Hobbs, who started her popular TikTok series ‘Trying to Find A Man IRL’ in 2023, if you’re looking to find love in the wild, it’s a good idea to go out in small groups or, even better, solo, because “it’s a lot less intimidating to approach someone who’s not with a large group of people”. She also recommends being strategic about where you spend your time. “Whether you’re going out for drinks with friends or taking yourself out for coffee or to the markets, think about where your ideal type will also be hanging out or where you want to meet them,” she says.

GIVE OFF THE RIGHT SIGNALS

In this day and age, you have to make it as easy as possible for people to know that 1) you’re open to being approached and 2) you aren’t going to violently humiliate them if they try. My number one piece of advice for anyone hoping for an actual meet-cute is to ditch your headphones: I know it sounds scary, but seriously, how do you expect to be approached if any potential suitors have to wave their hands in front of your face to get your attention?

Next, make sure you’re not staring at the floor. Keep your eyes up. “It’s pretty easy to tell if someone is interested just through eye contact alone,” Hobbs says. “Try to catch their eye a few times and then hold eye contact. If they hold it, that’s usually a green light!” If you want to make it even more obvious that you’re attracted to them, maybe throw in a little smile. “If they’re not making eye contact with you, though, they’re most likely not interested or off the market.”

Essentially: put your phone away and engage with the people around you. Even if you don’t get approached, you’ll probably feel better and more grounded anyway.

It’s pretty easy to tell if someone is interested just through eye contact alone

GET OK WITH REJECTION

If you’re feeling a spark with someone IRL, you’ll probably have to set your pride aside at some point and explicitly let them know you’re interested. Approaching someone can be nerve-wracking, but it’s important to remember that rejection is a part of life (whether you’re on an app or in the wild), so learn not to take it to heart. 

Conversational skills are key: make sure you have an idea of what you might say beyond “can I have your number?” and – vitally – know how to read the signs that someone doesn’t want to talk to you (looking around for their friends, avoiding eye contact, not asking you any questions, generally appearing uncomfortable, etc). 

If you’re afraid of rejection, try to reframe your approach as a kind gesture rather than a request. Even if someone isn’t interested, you’ll likely have made their day by approaching them. It’s the romantic equivalent of telling the cashier you like their nails. 

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SHIT WHERE YOU EAT

There is a tendency among our generation to shy away from mixing business with pleasure. Dating has become increasingly privatised since the dawn of dating sites, and our apparent risk-aversion often stops us from looking for someone in the places we frequent, like the gym or office or our social circles, just in case things turn sour. But in doing so we often rule out a lot of people with potential. 

Love, unfortunately, is never without risk, and I think we’d all do well to stop being so afraid of the future. You will, however, have to learn to take things less personally in this scenario, lest you face awkward interactions at the gym or your best friend’s birthday party forevermore. 

TRY A SINGLES EVENT

Singles nights have taken on a new identity over recent years. No longer are things like speed dating, traffic light nights and single-only run clubs seen as a sad and desperate last resort: last year, Eventbrite saw a 42 per cent uptick in attendance at dating and singles events in the UK, with spots at singles supper clubs like Dinner for One Hundred routinely selling out.

“You meet people at events that you wouldn’t necessarily have swiped right on on dating apps,” says Gemma Courtney-Davies, who founded Speedy Dating, a new speed dating event based in London. “I think these are the kind of people that will surprise you; you might have loads more in common with them rather than people who you just have an initial attraction to [on the apps], so definitely be open-minded.” 

DON’T PUT PRESSURE ON THE OUTCOME 

A big reason why dating apps are so popular is the fact that they take a bit of the sting out of rejection. With this in mind, it’s natural to feel like there’s a lot more at stake when approaching someone in real life – but try not to put too much pressure on yourself when looking for a partner in the wild.

Going to an IRL dating event can offer many more positives than simply finding a partner, too. “Just going to have fun is way more beneficial than putting pressure on things,” says Courtney-Davies. “[If not a date], people often say that they meet people who end up just being their friends, which is really nice.” Have fun and be as kind and confident as possible, she says, and you’ll attract the same people back.

And remember that dating – both on and offline – isn’t easy. After a year of attempting to meet people IRL, Hobbs says she’s had a few success stories, “but nothing to write home about.” Things between me and the guy I met on the street ended, too.  

It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy that where and how you meet will dictate how your relationship goes, but not every romantic meet-cute will lead to a fulfilling relationship. The truth is, you’re either both compatible and ready to make it work, or you’re not. Regardless, if you ask me, the process of offline dating is much more rewarding, enjoyable, and effective than sitting at home, swiping and despairing at the state of modern dating culture.