According to historians, early Valentine’s Day celebrations saw Roman men take turns hitting single women with the skins of animals they had sacrificed, in misguided attempts to aid fertility. The holiday has since, thankfully, exorcised its brutality. But, if you’re single, the lead-up to the February 14 may in some way resemble those blows – though in 2024 it’s badly dyed supermarket flowers, polythene-blend plushies and email discount codes from chain restaurants lining up to take aim at your pride.

There is, therefore, a wealth of resources on how to avoid Valentine’s Day as a single person – honed from relationship columnists and ‘Galentines Day’ pioneers of years gone by. But what about when you’re in a situationship? How do you navigate the no man’s land of intimacy without commitment while the world around you dissolves into a pink-hued mush?

If you’ve never been dangled by the hands of an indecisive lover or played therapist to a friend stuck in a romantic purgatory, you may be wondering what a situationship actually is. Well, they’re “basically a romantic or sexual relationship that lacks clear definition or commitment,” according to Dr Jenny van Hooff, senior lecturer in sociology at Manchester Metropolitan University. “[Situationships] exists in a grey area between casual dating and a formalised relationship, often characterised by ambiguity about expectations, exclusivity, and long-term intentions.”

19-year-old Kyle from Manchester has been floating in this grey area for around a year (“I know, insane,” he says) and, though his ‘partner’ wants to celebrate Valentine’s Day together, he’s not so keen. “I’m putting my foot down for the first time and understanding the level that this situation is hurting me at,” he tells Dazed. “I’m tired of being second best and a fallback.”

Meanwhile, across the pond in Montreal, Canada, 25-year-old Dorsa, is ruminating on her own fuzzily defined relationship with her ex. “We dated, broke up and now we’re in a situationship again. It’s giving me a headache just explaining it,” she says. Unlike Kyle, she’s not shunning the day altogether and actually suggested that they spend it together. But, though it may seem like a bold, romantic gesture on the surface, deep down she’s hoping she’s not implying anything complicated. “I feel like Valentine’s Day has a lot of weight to it, but I just want to spend the day with him without having to think about what this all means,” she explains.

The aforementioned head and heartache may leave you wondering why anyone would willingly subject themselves to romantic instability, but it’s an increasingly popular arrangement. A 2024 poll from YouGov found that 50 per cent of 18- to 30-year-olds had been in a situationship – something Dr van Hooff puts down to a generational desire to assert some dominion during a particularly chaotic era.

“Situationships might appear unstable because they lack formal definitions or traditional guidelines, but their fluidity can offer a sense of control,” she says. “For young people navigating an unpredictable world – marked by economic precarity, climate anxiety, and shifting societal norms – situationships allow them to exert agency over their romantic and emotional commitments.”

I have no expectations or hopes about this, I’m just having a good time

This sense of control is appealing for some, like 26-year-old Maya* who lives in London. Though she was quick to let her situationship know she already had plans with friends on the 14th when she noticed it looming on her calendar (“Not in an avoidant way, but to make it easier for both of us,” she says), they are taking a trip abroad together the following day. “I have no expectations or hopes about this, I’m just having a good time,” she tells Dazed.

Similarly, 27-year-old Lee* has been in a situationship with her coworker since June. She’s actively avoiding defining things as she doesn’t want to be too tied to London, where she currently lives but doesn’t see as her long-term home. “We discuss thoroughly all the time, check on how we’re feeling and if we’re in a good space in terms of feelings for each other,” she says. To her, it’s about “enjoying the most of each other” during their inevitably fleeting time together, though she admits she’s “more the person that is avoidant in this relationship”. But, although things are strictly “casual”, her partner proposed that they spend Valentine’s Day together. “I was a bit stunned by it, I’m not gonna lie,” she says. “But I’m not going to say no to affection.”

This ability for young people to navigate romance with a clear head, having both affection and space, allows them to prioritise their own needs over those of a partner. It means a greater sense of freedom, but, it may also in part point to a wider reluctance for young people to display vulnerability. “In our hyper-individualised society, there’s a growing emphasis on emotional self-sufficiency, amplified by the rise of therapeutic discourse that champions resilience and personal boundaries,” says Dr van Hooff. By maintaining a situationship, then, you can hold on to your pride – never at risk of true rejection because you never stray from your own comfort zone.

But it doesn’t mean situationships are entirely devoid of vulnerability and romance. Dorsa, for example, may be approaching the day of love with a casual attitude, but she’s still working on a heartfelt gift. “I haven't told him this but I am planning on giving him a little zine that I made,” she says. “I thought it would be cute rather than buying him something, even though it will take up more of my time.”

And, though the most pessimistic may deem Valentine’s Day merely a marketing opportunity for greeting card companies to fill the long slog between Christmas and Easter, its blatant celebration of love can illuminate our innate thirst for it. “I dream that this relationship will work. This is my first experience of love, and at a lot of times it feels hopeful and promising,” says Kyle of his own situationship. “However if the way she acts carries on and makes me feel as low as it does, then I’ll have to accept that we can never be more.”

Of course, situationships exist in a plethora of different forms, and not everyone in a will-they-won’t-they love affair is fated to soundtrack their Friday night with a soulless, Spotify, AI-generated unrequited love mix – their sobs intertwining with Chappell Roan’s ‘Casual’, or Blood Orange’s ‘Best To You’. To some, situationships offer time and space for the knotty complications of love to untangle – a true sentiment for Dorsa, who admits she isn’t searching for any “defining labels” in the near future. “My hope is just truly to understand if there’s any way that I can spend the rest of my life with him,” she says, a remark that, though intended casually at first, in the shadow of the annual day of love, seems to even catch her by surprise. “Wow, that’s scary to admit. Holy shit.”