Everyone loves Milkshake Girl, the girl who threw a milkshake at Nigel Farage – everyone, that is, except the Essex Police. After capturing the hearts of the nation with her dairy-based stunt, which took place on Tuesday during the former UKIP leader’s election campaign launch, Victoria Thomas Bowen, 25, has been charged with “assault by beating” and “criminal damage”. 

Throwing a milkshake might sound trivial. But what if she’d dropped a piano on Farage’s head, and when he opened his mouth his teeth had been replaced by piano keys? What if she’d fed him a stick of dynamite disguised inside a tempting apple pie? What if she’d drawn a road on the side of a cliff, thus tricking him into running into it and being flattened like a pancake? Suddenly, it doesn’t seem quite so light-hearted, does it?

It is, of course, ridiculous that Victoria is being persecuted by the state for exercising her democratic right to yeet a milkshake at a far-right politician. This shouldn’t be a criminal matter, but if it absolutely has to be, then the charges should be more honest. “Assault by beating”? Really? With a milkshake? “Common tomfoolery,” “aggravated shenanigans” or “actual bodily hi-jinks” would be more appropriate. 

When it comes to the question of whether it’s ok to throw foodstuffs at a politician, it turns out that everyone is a hypocrite. Several of the politicians and pundits who spent yesterday hand-wringing about a grave attack on democracy, it turns out, had reacted with glee when Corbyn was egged in 2019 (this actually goes a little beyond double standards: the guy who egged Corbyn punched him in the head while doing so, which is just plain old assault.)

I admit that I didn’t like it when Corbyn got egged and I did like it when Farage got milkshaked, which might seem inconsistent. But there’s a clear and simple moral framework underpinning it: it’s funny when bad things happen to bad people.