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Courtesy eBay / Union Solidarity Coalition

Lena Dunham will paint a mural in your home

Want Natasha Lyonne’s help with a crossword? A scriptwriting lesson from Spike Jonze? A new charity auction from the Union Solidarity Coalition is going to give you that chance

Ever picked up the Sunday crossword in the New York Times and got stuck on 23 down? Ever thought, “Hey, you know who would be a great help here? But I’m a Cheerleader and Russian Doll actor, Natasha Lyonne.” Well now, thanks to a new charity auction, Natasha Lyonne can help you with that crossword clue. 

This wonderful opportunity is the work of The Union Solidarity Coalition, a group formed of writers and directors, who have just launched a mammoth fundraising campaign to help crew members in Hollywood who are facing the risk of losing their healthcare benefits because of the ongoing SAG-AFTRA and WGA strikes. 

Of course, this being Hollywood, this is no ordinary sell-off. Instead, a bunch of famous faces are auctioning off their time, expertise and crossword skills to the highest bidder, and it’s all for a good cause. 

Ever wanted Severance actor Adam Scott to walk your dog for an hour? Well, for over $2,000, the actor’s animal skills could be at your disposal (as long as you’re based in LA). Have a burning question for the cast of New Girl? You can bid to join them on a Zoom call where you can pick their brains about Schmidt’s collection of patterned shirts. Does your living room need some painted cartoons on it? Fear not, as Lena Dunham will pop over and paint a mural for the (rather reasonable) price of over $3,000. Ever wanted to recreate that scene from Ghost with actor Busy Philipps? Well, I’m sure if you asked nicely, the actor will give it a shot should you win the bid to join her at a pottery class in New York. 

Should none of that appeal, you can bid for more movie-focused opportunities. Spike Jonze and Lena Dunham are offering up a session to help you build a story, where they will discuss “creating character and plot, throwing all the rules away and being messy”. Barry Jenkins and Succession composer Nicholas Britell will join you on Zoom, and send you a bunch of rare merch. And for you collectors out there, there are loads of movie memorabilia on offer, including an apron signed by the cast of The Bear, signed scripts, signed posters and a ‘Weird’ Hawaiian shirt signed by Daniel Radcliffe and Weird Al Yankovic. 

“We founded TUSC because, as striking writers, we feel an incredible kinship with the crew (IATSE. LiUNA and Teamsters) that make our jobs possible—and right now they are hurting, especially when it comes to healthcare,” said Lena Dunham in a statement. 

“We are so lucky to be partnered with [Motion Picture & Television Fund], who make this their business 365 days a year. We are dazzled by all the brilliant minds who have offered goods and experiences to auction – I am continuously thrilled to be part of this vital group, and we are continually grateful to the crew who have stood in solidarity with us on the picket lines.” 

While this is all ostensibly for a good cause, there have, naturally, been a plethora of memes offering fake auction items crop up, and they are immaculate. 

You can find the full auction list on The Union Solidarity Coalition’s eBay page. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to look down the back of the sofa for a spare couple of grand. Sunday is coming up and, Natasha, I need your help… 

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