Look, we know that the world can seem like a cruel and unforgiving place, full of political turmoil, apocalyptic threats, and horrors beyond human comprehension. Every now and then, though, an objectively heartwarming story pops up to remind us of why life is worth living. Yes, we’re talking about the gay penguins at an Oceanarium in Europe’s gay capital… Bournemouth. 

Earlier this week (July 4), it was announced that the homo penguins – Diego and Zorro, who currently occupy the top 0.2% of OnlyFins, apparently – hatched a new baby chick. They had taken on the responsibility of caring for a fertilised egg after they successfully incubated a fake one, and the nestling named Ponyo (adorable), arrived “just in time for Bournemouth’s Pride celebrations” this weekend. A lot cheaper than hiring a surrogate. 

“We're happy to let you all know that Ponyo is settling in well at the Oceanarium,” the aquarium says in its announcement, adding: “They will remain off show for a little while longer whilst they find their happy feet.” (Come through Fathers4Justice!)

Ponyo the penguin isn’t the first chick to hatch under the care of the hunky Diego and Zorro, though. Apparently, zookeepers first noticed the Humboldt penguins’ psychosexual spark back in 2017, resulting in their years-long bond. The birth of Ponyo actually marks their second time fostering. “Once again they have smashed it, becoming quite the experts at parenting,” says zookeeper Kat Nicola in a statement.

At this point you might be wondering: what makes penguins so gay? How can you tell if a pair of penguins really do taste the rainbow? Do they sissy that waddle, or is it just a web-footed mince? And how do you even tell if a pair of penguins want to spend their lives together? Well, the belief that penguins mate for life is “one of the biggest misconceptions” about the birds, says the penguin expert and award-winning author Dyan deNapoli (AKA the Penguin Lady). Usually, they’re not monogamous outside of specific breeding seasons and – if past research about their “sexual depravity” is anything to go by – can actually get pretty piggy on the ice floes of Antarctica.

Those that do mate for life tend to live in temperate climates, deNapoli adds, “where there’s less environmental pressure to hurry up and get through the breeding season before the weather turns bad”. This could explain why Humboldt penguins – which originate from South America, around the coasts of Chile and Peru – have been observed hooking up for longer periods of time. When they do, they’ll generally exhibit their attraction through mutual pegging – sorry, preening – and trumpeting, which is how they find each other in huge, crowded colonies. Considering male penguins never consummate their relationship, this is considered an incredibly erotic experience.

As for the tendency for penguins to forge gay relationships: “This has been observed much more in captivity than in the wild,” deNapoli suggests, making zoos the animal kingdom’s dark room. While they do exist in nature, captive penguins are apparently more likely to be gay because of limited mating options, or because they’re young and “experimenting”.

Nevertheless, gay penguins seem to pop up everywhere – Diego and Zorro aren’t the only members of the avian BLT community. Over the years, zoos in Germany and London have also witnessed same-sex pairings in their Humboldt penguins, and Leslie Knope even marries a pair of males in Parks and Rec. As if their names weren’t already a giveaway, other queer couplings include Sydney’s Sphen and Magic (honestly, calling them f****** would be less homophobic), New York’s Elmer and Lima, and the famous Roy and Silo, who are no doubt masc4masc. Back in 2018, a pairing in Denmark also kidnapped another penguin’s chick to raise it as their own (lol).

So what’s with all the gay penguins? Despite her obvious bias toward the birds, deNapoli doesn’t actually think they’re particularly special in this respect. Same-sex behaviour, she points out, has been observed in up to 1,000 different animal species, from mallards, to macaques, to flying foxes and scarab beetles. “It may just be noticed more in penguins, as they are such an iconic animal.” (AKA nobody wants to read about gay scarab beetles.) There are more exhibits that house penguins, for example, and more books written about their relationships, including deNapoli’s. “I think the public is just more aware of same-sex pairings amongst penguins,” she says.

Where penguins do differ slightly is in child-rearing, which sees both males and females take on equal responsibilities. “It takes two penguin parents to successfully rear chicks,” deNapoli explains. “One parent must remain with the chicks to protect and feed them, while the other parent goes off the sea to hunt for food for both itself and the chicks. Once the foraging parent returns, the adults switch places, and they continue in this fashion until the chicks are grown and ready to go off to sea.”

As long as there are two penguin parents, then, it basically doesn’t matter what gender they are – name a more progressive aquatic flightless bird, we dare you. “Outside of the act of insemination/fertilisation, a same-sex penguin pair can absolutely be successful in raising chicks together,” deNapoli confirms. Which, we’re sure we can all agree, is a beautiful thing.