Craig Green’s got a long history of sending avant-garde sculptures down his runways, with some of his earliest collections famously moving the steely fashion crowd to tears at London Fashion Week. 

But seemingly the way his latest objet d’art will make you cry is if you don’t smear it with quite enough lubricant. Landing on Green’s Instagram this evening comes a series ‘jumbo wooden tools’ that look an awful lot like buttplugs. Chic! 

Available exclusively at Dover Street Market London, in celebration of the legendary store’s 20 years in the game, the suggestive little items are a whole lot more *aesthetic* than your typical Lovehoney fare [though also likely a whole lot more expensive]. 

Whether they’re actually safe to stick up your bum – or any other orifice you might fancy, why limit it! – and retrieve without getting splinters is unclear, but regardless, they would look pretty fab on your bedside table. 

Of course, it’s not the first time fashion’s dabbled in sexy toys, whether actually functional or not. Last year, Glenn Martens sent out his own blue blown glass butt plug to herald the arrival of his SS23 show for Diesel, while plenty of fashion girlies surely still have Christopher Kane’s ‘More Joy’ vibrator rattling about in their bottom drawer.  

Revisit Green’s AW23/SS24 collection in the gallery above and grab your own buttplug below.