From Minions, to Bored Apes, to Andrew Tate, to the concept of queerbaiting, here is a definitive list of all the 2022 Halloween costume ideas
It is no longer enough to dress like an evil slag. The annual tradition of wearing something unusual on October 31 is nothing if not an excuse to trumpet your vast cultural capital. Heaven forbid you wear some black tights and pencil on a couple of measly whiskers or, I don’t know, dress as a Marvel character. You should want your costume to say “Yes, I surf the web!” You should want people to know that you have a Twitter account and that you keep abreast of the discourse! You don’t want to actually SCARE people, you want them to say “Uh yeah, that rings a bell I think?”
Oh sorry! Did you and your boyfriend want to go to the party as Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly?? Sweetie, yesterday’s news is today’s chip paper!! Had you one iota of what was going on in the world you might have realised that, actually, people are going as lettuces this year – yeah, just the most hilarious bit of Great British Banter that happened to grace the timeline last week. But what if you live your life untethered to the news cycle? What if you DID want to go as a superhero? Thankfully, we’ve done the emotional labour (a bit of content) for you. Read below and you might avoid being ostracised for forgetting about a thing that happened the other month – like when the Tories said we need to drink sewage.
LIZ TRUSS
She came, she saw, and she didn’t do much else – which is quite symbolic of this low-effort costume. You should go wielding a copy of Vogue, asking the room how you might land a cover – and that will be VERY funny for those that know of the beef between Truss and Sturgeon. For style inspo click here.
JAMES CORDON’S WIFE’S YOLK-ONLY OMELETTE
“OoooOOhhhHHHhhhhhhh I’m James COoOorodooOon,” you’ll say to your friend’s in a ghostly voice. The persona non-grata has already been haunting service staff with his yolk-only omelette order at Balthazaar’s – a restaurant you will find when googling “where to eat in Manhattan”.
AN ELF BAR
2022 is – fortunately – the year of the Elf Bar. Pollution levels are now at an all-time high, with delicious cookies ‘n’ cream vapour burning a second hole in the ozone layer. So go to the party dressed as Florence Pugh’s Lychee vape and say “I’m worried darling!” – hahahahahahhahhahahha!!
KIM K’S MARILYN MONROE DRESS
Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! will probably lend you the dress for free, but if you can’t get the dress itself you could replicate the spirit of the event by raiding your grandmother’s wardrobe, stealing her most prized, sentimentally valuable garment – her wedding dress, perhaps – and then spilling Aperol over it.
A MINION
It’s been 12 years since the Minions first hobbled into public consciousness, and the nostalgic value in all those yellow freakos has oiled the cogs of the internet’s meme machine. And though their Lucy & Yak dungarees and steampunk goggles have yet to make it onto the runway, the Minions have become hot property for the Extremely Online.
SHEIN
When teenagers on TikTok claimed they were getting lead poisoning from Shein two pieces… it was giving Buonarroti, Goya, Portinari, Van Gogh, and all the other great artists who lost their sanity to mercury-laced paint. Sacrificing your lucidity to being a living, breathing piece of art is a trend that will NEVER die x
BIG TECH BREEDERS
Quite straightforward, actually: just put on a Burton biker jacket, grow out your jowls and scroll Twitter all evening. “Doing my best to help the underpopulation crisis,” you whisper. “A collapsing birth rate is the biggest danger civilisation faces by far.” Certainly a conversation starter!
TAYLOR SWIFT DRESSING FOR REVENGE
So you’ve been ghosted, dumped, breadcrumbed, orbited, wokefished, zombied, cuffed, benched, love-bombed and you know what? You’re sick of it!!! And for one night only, you refuse to let the word “Hinge” pass your lips. “I don’t dress for men,” you announce to the group with a little smirk, “lately, I’ve been dressing for revenge.” You then click your heels like that girl in The Wizard of Oz and show off your Charlotte Olympia kitty flats. Uh yeah – you’re a badass.
when some tells lea michele to “read the room” pic.twitter.com/2VXS83CFDG
— rin (@Playsik2) September 7, 2022
LEA MICHELE
👁 👄 👁
A SPONCON BRIDE
The jilted bride, the murdered bride, the horny bride, the Mrs Haversham not-quite-a-bride-not-yet-a-ghost classic Halloween costume got a new addition this year when Kourtney Kardashian-Barker got married in a Dolce & Gabbana-powered wedding ceremony. Perhaps the only thing more frightening than that is the duo’s joint wellness brand! Or her Boohoo sustainability ambassadorship!