The UK’s second general election in two years is looming like a big, greasy lump of despair. So Solid Crew's Mega has gone head to head with Grime for Corbyn in support of Theresa May and the Conservatives are winning by 45 per cent to Labour's 32 per cent in the polls, even after unveiling their "strong and stable" manifesto which reveals that they are now offically the anti-wanking party.

When you first read through it the proposals seem quite reasonable. "It should be... as hard for children to access violent and degrading pornography online as it is in the high street," it states. No-one wants children to be harmed. But read between in the lines and it's clear that the manifesto is suggesting laws will be put in place that will make it harder to accesss porn websites in general.

It reads: "We will put a responsibility on industry not to direct users – even unintentionally – to hate speech, pornography, or other sources of harm. We will make clear the responsibility of platforms to enable the reporting of inappropriate, bullying, harmful or illegal content, with take-down on a comply-or-explain basis."

By deeming pornography a "source of harm", it's clear that the Tories believe it's their moral responsibility to prevent our fragile minds from being exposed to the legal form of pornography: consenting adults having sex. They want to place restrictions on seeing adult content, and appear to be aiming to stop search engines from directing people to pornographic websites.

It ties into their ongoing policies aimed at regulating and controlling internet access. "Our starting point," their manifesto reads, "is that online rules should reflect those that govern our lives offline."

In 2014 the Conservative-Lib-Dem coalition also banned a range of sex acts in UK porn including spanking, aggressive whipping, physical restraint, facesitting and female ejaculation.

The general election is on June 8. If you haven't already registered to vote you can do so here – but make sure to do so by Monday 22 May