Things to stop apologising for in 2017 (and forever)

There are lots of things that you should say sorry for. For example, you should absolutely always say sorry for driving your car into someone’s house, or for flying your remote control helicopter inside the museum and doing millions of dollar’s worth of damage to the ancient artefacts. These things definitely require at LEAST a little note and a bag of strawberry bon-bons. However, it has come to my attention that some people are apologising for stuff other than what I just listed. Which makes me entirely sick and I’d like an APOLOGY. But also don’t you dare. You know? Well if you don’t then you’re about to. Here’s all the shit that you need to quit apologising for in 2017 and beyond.

YOUR BODY

I’m not going to tell you to love your body or to stop worrying about how it moves or looks or feels to live inside of. That’s not my job or my place. What I will say is that your body is good and worthy of respect and support and care. Right now. No conditions. The same will be true tomorrow. The same will be true the day after that. The same will be true every single day between now and the day when you are finished using your body and you go to wherever you are meant to go next. The world has made you feel otherwise. It owes you an apology. Unfortunately, the world is big and stupid and far too busy spinning around in space to say sorry anytime now. The best thing you can do is to try to stop apologising so much for the space you take up and just spin around with it.

BEING AFRAID

Truthfully I’m afraid most of the time. When I see a bird? I’m afraid. I’m afraid it might do a violence on me. When I don’t see a bird? I’m even more afraid. Where is it? What is it planning? Who knows. I just know that I’m VERY AFRAID. There are other things that are scary also. Like how the people in charge of the entire world keep doing decisions that will literally kill people and make their lives awful. It’s terrifying and anyone who wants you to shut up about being scared is not listening or paying attention.

NOT KNOWING SOMETHING

Anyone who has ever been to school knows that a lot of the shit they teach you there is totally useless and not at all helpful for living a functional and successful adult. It’s mostly just making piles of small plastic cubes and being told off for putting crayons in your nose. It’s stupid in there. Also maybe slightly enriching, but mostly the other thing. So if you have no single clue about how to do a taxes, or rent a car, or apply for a loan, then that’s okay. There are websites for that. And apps. And people you can ask. And cheap Ikea cactuses that you can throw out of the window in total frustration after trying to get your head around income tax.

SPEAKING UP/OUT

The world is a toilet. It’s a toilet because of all the Terrible Awful that’s going on, and it’s even more of a toilet because of all of the people who see the Terrible Awful and say nothing and do nothing and promise nothing. Do the things you know you have to do. Care. Protest. Boycott. Flood your timelines with information. Correct people who need correcting. Listen often, learn even more often than that. Give a shit. Don’t apologise for telling to the people who need telling. Don’t apologise for saying “HANG ON THIS IS WRONG AND I WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT UNTIL IT ENDS”. You won’t get a medal or a pat on the boob for doing the right thing (and nor should you), and it will be exhausting and hard. But it’s the only good fight there is and you owe nobody an apology for that.

THE THINGS YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS MAY TAKE FROM YOU

You are not responsible for the tricks that your brain is playing. It’s as simple as that. You are not to blame for sometimes being too depressed to do more than the bare minimum, or too anxious to get help, or too much of something else to do literally anything at all. We have to apologise for the harm we do, of course, but not for the root of the illness that we alone face the worst of. That’s a nonsense flan and I WON’T EAT A SINGLE BITE. I WILL HAVE SOME REGULAR FLAN IF YOU HAVE THAT THOUGH. THANK YOU KINDLY.

HAVING NEEDS

There’s this thing called Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. I won’t explain it in detail because it’s very boring, even despite being shaped like a delicious slice of delicious pizza. But essentially it’s a pyramid containing all the things that human beings need. At the bottom are the ones that are DEFINITELY NECESSARY TO SURVIVAL, like needing to eat when you’re hungry, or pee when you’ve had nine glasses of dairy-free strawberry milkshake, or sleep when you are sleepish. Higher up are things like feeling like you belong, or having companions, friends, a feeling of safety. I can’t tell you what’s at the top because I saw a video of a dog chewing on a potted plant and was immediately rendered unable to focus on anything else. Anyway, who cares. The point is DON’T APOLOGISE FOR ANY OF THE NEEDS THAT YOU HAVE. They are called needs for a reason. Because you need them. Case closed. Shut your mouth. Eat.