Seven painful moments from the final presidential debate

There are a lot of reasons to hate Donald Trump. The Republican nominee-slash-reality TV star has insulted half the US population; tearing into Mexicans, Muslims, women and black people (or “the blacks”, as he affectionately calls them). Probably one of the most annoying things about him, though, is the way he makes it so hard to criticise Hillary Clinton. Seriously – what can you even say anymore? How can you sensibly compare the two? One of them is steely, problematic, and possibly in collusion with half of Wall Street. The other is orange, seemingly braindead, and an alleged sex offender. Is this really the best the US can do for the world?

Fortunately, this whole horrible debacle should be coming to an end soon. On November 8 – or November 28 for some Trump supporters – the American public will decide who will be the country’s next commander-in-chief. And last night, in an attempt to sway any undecided voters, both Clinton and Trump headed to Las Vegas for one final presidential debate. After last week’s shit show – which brought us jail threats, casual racism and Nigel Farage – it was anyone’s guess what would happen. Here, we look back on the most painful moments.

DONALD TRUMP’S UNDERSTANDING OF ABORTION

Abortion, one of the most divisive discussion topics of the whole campaign, took centre stage last night. Hillary Clinton declared herself staunchly in favour of both Planned Parenthood and a woman’s right to choose, passionately arguing that the government should have no say in the “intimate and difficult” decision of abortion. So far, so good. Sadly, Trump quickly lowered the tone when he began to assert his views, which betrayed a serious lack of knowledge of the female reproductive system – particularly the difference between a cesarian and an actual abortion. “I think it’s terrible,” he belched. “If you go with what Hillary is saying, you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb of the mother just prior to the birth of the baby.”

“You can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb in the ninth month, on the final day,” he added, incorrectly. “That is unacceptable.”

WHEN TRUMP IMPLIED (AGAIN) THAT ALL IMMIGRANTS WERE MURDERERS / DRUG DEALERS

Trump’s attitude towards immigrants is no secret: he’s boasted about building a wall around the southern border, and regularly blames most of the country’s issues on Muslims / Isis / the “inner cities”. Last night, it was more of the same thing, with the Republican spouting more right wing rhetoric about the dangers of non-American people (because, FYI, white Americans apparently don’t ever kill people). “Now I want to build a wall,” he said. “One of my first acts will be to get all of the drug lords, we have some bad, bad people in this country this have to go out. We’ll get them out, secure the border and once the border is secured at a later date we’ll make a determination as to the rest.”

“BAD HOMBRES”

I can't.

THE GUN DISCUSSION

More than 30,000 people are killed by firearms each year in the US. That’s around 82 people a day. Now, I don’t know about you, but that seems like quite a lot. Enough to make you think that it would need to be addressed, or that it might need some adjusting. That’s why, when the topic was brought up in the debate yesterday, Clinton explained why she favoured tighter rules on gun ownership and stricter background checks. Trump, however, argued fiercely against making any changes the current policy. 

“NOBODY RESPECTS WOMEN MORE THAN ME”

Lol.

THE INSULTS

Unlike last week, where Trump called Clinton “a devil” who had a “tremendous amount of hate in her heart”, this week was pretty tame for insults. This time, Trump just settled on calling Clinton a “puppet” and “a nasty woman”. Given how vicious things have been in this campaign, it almost seemed sweet.

MADONNA, OUT OF NOWHERE, PROMISING SEXUAL FAVOURS TO ANYONE WHO VOTES FOR HILLARY

On a surprise note, just over 2,000 miles away from the debate, Amy Schumer held a Madison Square Garden show. Her opening act? The queen of pop herself, Madonna. “‘If you vote for Hillary Clinton I will give you a blow job,” she declared as she was introducing the comedian. “Okay? I’m a really good. I’m not a douche and I’m not a tool.”

“I take my time,” she added. “I have a lot of eye contact and I do swallow.”