The ‘powerfully ugly’ dominatrix rapper fighting trolls

Everyone has words they abuse. David Bowie’s were “chthonic” and “miasma”. A lot of people you and I know might overuse “aesthetic.” My faves are “enfant terrible” and “masturbatory.” Instagram holy terror, fetish (and soon-to-be mainstream) model, artist, professional dominatrix and rapper Maidenfed is the epitome of enfant terrible. And maybe just a wee bit masturbatory, so I’m in luck with this interview.

The first thing one notices about Maidenfed (first name Jackie) is her face. The 24-year-old NYC resident has a large forehead covered by Bettie Bangs, a long, sloping nose and a mouth stuck in a perpetual pout due to an overbite. It’s a face everyone seems to feel entitled to opine upon: “‘exotic, unique, hideous’, ‘longest midface I’ve ever seen,’ ‘Egyptian and ‘painfully Jewish’” are just a few descriptions that she has documented on her blog.

“tbh if i'm a butterface (and i'm not sure whether or not i am).....i'm kind of down with it, she wrote. “the term ‘powerfully ugly’ comes to mind.”

Maidenfed has been collaging and writing for ten years, and modeling, photographing and working as a professional dominatrix for around two. Although she has primarily done nude, fetish and alternative modeling, collaborating with photographer Muted Fawn, and lingerie designer CreepyYeha, who referred to her as an “artist,” she is breaking into the mainstream.

She also raps. “I’m working on a bunch of raps about murder mystery pornos, i.e. Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot going at it, and the cast of characters from Clue in a gangbang,” she says. She isn’t too keen on being pigeonholed, saying: “For whatever reason, I have all this reticence about calling myself an ‘artist’ or a ‘model’ or, worse yet, a ‘muse.’ My therapist wants me to do exposure therapy with those terms.”

And her artist’s statement is unpretentious: “Above all, I want to entertain and amuse myself because it’s the only thing keeping me sane,” she tells me. “I’ve been sober for several months now after an extremely rough summer (prompted by a breakup with a sociopathic bleached-blond male model), and I’m finding that being productive and keeping my sense of humour are the top two necessities in my continuing to abstain from using.”

Like many popular female figures on the internet, Maidenfed is subject to a lot of trolling. According to her Tumblr, a bunch of guys on misogynist forum PUAhate, had a whole thread discussing “exactly why and how [her face] was so ugly.” Someone called her “Taylor Swift’s aborted twin sister” on OkCupid.

Some guy selling “custom art and quality jewelery [sic]” on Instagram commented “…i think they want #ANALSEX with you because :1. they dont want to look at your hideous mug 2. because no one will ever want to impregnate you and you can’t get pregnant in the butt..#JUSTMYTHEORY”.

Female commenters tend to opt for indignation, protesting, “She is not attractive at all wtf [crying-laughing emoji] if she can be a model I can be a model [another crying-laughing face emoji.” A lot of people play doctor or psychoanalyst in her comments; she has been Internet-diagnosed with everything from scoliosis to “dance anorexia” and labelled “an over indulged jewish american princess that didn't get the fairytale life your parents told you about so you numb your disappointment with life and maybe even in yourself with drugs. The drugs make you feel better or not at all and might also help you maintain the body type you like with less effort but they can be somewhat dangerous for whatever mental illness you have.”

One person on Instagram, absurdly, broke up with their partner on one of her nude pics:

And this doesn’t even come close to the level of sexual harassment she receives for being a nude model and pro-domme, a lot of which she documents via screenshots and responds to publically.

We caught up with the rising quintuple-threat to talk persona, Internet trolls, modelling and stigma against sex workers.

Who is Maidenfed and what’s the backstory behind this name?

Maidenfed: Maidenfed is the part of me that isn’t boring as hell, sitting around reading Agatha Christie books and watching Murder, She Wrote on Netflix. She’s inventive, productive, and she doesn’t take any shit. The name comes from something I wrote in a college poetry workshop: “Pink ribbon and bow for your maidenhead/got my bow and arrow, now I’m maiden-fed.” I didn’t put much thought into it when I first chose it, and now I’m pretty much stuck with it. But I figure it could be much worse, especially when the origin is a 19-year-old’s poetry.

How would you characterise your art, what inspires it and what’s the message, for those less artistically inclined?

Maidenfed: I don’t really know how to characterise it, honestly. I recently made (and abandoned) a Patreon page, and when they asked me to fill in the blank for “maidenfed is creating ____” I wrote “nonsense.” The only message my work contains, if any, is “do whatever the fuck you want.” I wasted so much of my life being scared and worried and hiding away in my room, and now I’m trying to make up for that lost time.

I’m frequently surprised by the gamut of assumptions that followers and haters make based on my work: that it’s all about sex, that I’m aroused during the shoots, that my everyday life is really thrilling, etc. I don’t equate nudity to sexuality, nor do I think that the usage of fetish aesthetics means that I’m part of some BDSM society. My personal sex life has nothing to do with my work, and I find the fact that anyone is interested in speculating about that part of my life truly mind-boggling. I’m inspired by creating imagery I’ve never seen before, and by needing to stay busy and productive to keep sober.

Is there a difference between Maidenfed the persona and Jackie the person?

Maidenfed: I think of Maidenfed as being a part of the whole Jackie. In my “real life,” I’m often a worrying, emotional, ruminating mess, especially in my present post-rehab world. But Maidenfed is clear-headed and rather single-minded. A friend – who met me in reality prior to being exposed to Maidenfed – recently told me that she finds me to be much more “sensitive” than the vibe I give off with Maidenfed.

Sometimes I think it might be a hindrance that I am so upfront about my work in many aspects of my life, particularly online dating, as well as platonic networking, because there are a lot of erroneous assumptions that can be – and frequently are – made. At the same time, I feel like it’s somewhat of an elimination process; it’s like, if you have any sort of issue with this, I’m not interested in you anyway, and I’m glad I’m not going to waste my time on you. But I’m also aware that Maidenfed may be intimidating or confusing if it’s what I introduce myself with, so it’s a bit of a balancing act.

“I have struggled with my face for a long time. I’ve been lucky enough to have always been pretty happy with my body overall, so I think that partly because of that, all of my insecurities went to my face. Above all, my face just confuses me. I feel like it looks different every time I see it” – Maidenfed

As a pro-domme and fetish model, you have received a lot of creepy, sexual comments from women and men alike. What’s your response and does your message differ for men and women?

Maidenfed: I go two routes with responses, regardless of the gender: either the creatively witty, or the scholarly evisceration. There are almost always basic intellectual fallacies in their comments. For instance, there’s been an overwhelming amount of remarks about how it doesn’t make any sense for me to be “surprised” by dudes approaching me as a “sex object”, considering how I present myself. The words “whore” and “slut” are typically peppered throughout for flavour.

Some fuckboy who thought he was a constitutional lawyer called me out the other day for “stomping on the first amendment.” To these comments, I enjoy pointing out the following: Firstly, I have never claimed to be surprised or appalled by sexually explicit, misogynistic messages. I don’t think highly enough of people to hold them to a higher standard, and secondly, if these anonymous internet fucks want so badly to defend men’s rights to say these things, how can they tell me in the same keyboard breath that I can’t respond to them however I see fit – whether that’s screenshotting, blocking, or directly responding?

That being said, it does especially sadden me when I get a constant stream of hate from women. I just can’t imagine, first of all, caring that much about what a total stranger does, and secondly, hating yourself and other women that much. Depressing.

Speaking of shitty comments, you receive a lot of daily online vitriol from people who call you ugly and variations thereof. How the hell do you deal with it and what’s your response?

Maidenfed: This is a tough one. I know that I’m not conventionally, symmetrically attractive; I have struggled with my face for a long time. I’ve been lucky enough to have always been pretty happy with my body overall, so I think that partly because of that, all of my insecurities went to my face. Above all, my face just confuses me. I feel like it looks different every time I see it. When I began modelling, I always concealed my face both for the sake of anonymity and because I found myself worrying so much about how it would look that it distracted me to the point of debilitating anxiety.

I have a pretty sizable forehead, a long pronounced nose, and a mouth that doesn’t close because my teeth are too big. It makes for a distinctive combination. What I’ve noticed is that there doesn’t seem to be much in between: either people really love my face and find it “fascinating” or “exotic,” or they think I’m the absolutely ugliest fucking thing they’ve ever seen. Normally I just respond to them with a kiss-blowing emoji or amusing (to myself) remark and move on, because it’s completely pointless to argue with someone about why they think I’m ugly, you know? Eye of the beholder.

What’s next for Maidenfed?

Maidenfed: I’m working on a zine of collage versions of photos taken of me by my frequent collaborator, photographer Ian Reid, which I’m really excited about. I’m also starting a series entitled “James Bondage,” where for each [good] James Bond theme song, I make a music video in which the James Bond character is tied up and tortured.