‘100% Phallic. 100% Anonymous. 100% Disturbing’
A new online service is offering to send out a customised, IRL aubergine emoji to a person of your choice.
Describing itself as “phallic,” “anonymous,” and “disturbing”, the UK-based ‘Eggplant Mail’ apparently specialises in scrawling 16-word messages across the vegetable – mailing it across the world for just £6.99 ($9.99).
“Want to send someone a real life penis emoji?” the company’s website reads. “We will mail an anonymous eggplant, with your personal message, anywhere in the world. 100% Phallic. 100% Anonymous. 100% Disturbing.”
The site goes on to show a few samples, to give a clearer idea of how it all works. This includes a fun birthday aubergine, an empowering break-up aubergine, and soft, stalker-y aubergine. See below:
For those of you who are sceptical /baffled / terrified about the authenticity of this, it seems like it actually is a real thing. Despite the fact that anyone could do it pretty easily for themselves, there are some who are genuinely willing to pay someone else to write on and mail out an anonymous aubergine – with one Imgur user posting an example:
The site also specifies that these aubergines are strictly not for consumption – urging recipients to “please” not eat them. “We don’t recommend eating these eggplants as they have ink on them and can pick up germs during shipping,” they warn. “We are not liable for any illness if you eat the eggplant.”
So, if you want to creep out and alienate your friends, family, or enemies, visit EggplantMail.com to place your order. Just remember that you’re writing on an Instagram-banned metaphorical penis – so it’s probably best to keep things light.