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Ten truths I learned from Grimes’ Tumblr and Twitter likes

Trawling through the singer’s liked and faved posts can teach you a lot about yourself

Stalking Grimes online, the ethereal entity who has carved her niche on Tumblr and fav’d her fair share of tweets, is life-affirming. If – for some inexplicable reason – you didn’t vibe to her breathy jams or crowd-rocking bangers, this multi-faceted human has other reasons on offer as easy-access entry points into her #squad. It’s pretty easy to like Grimes, but what exactly does Claire Boucher like herself? Mining the hard data has unearthed several gems, all of which point to her fierce stances on sociopolitical issues such as body hair, harrassment and “coming out kinky”. Beyond that, we’ve come to learn that Grimes is truly a fighter for all of us, regardless of boring identity markers that close-minded people require to put you into boxes. So here we are, with a functioning manifesto pulled together from Grimes’ liked posts and tweets, helping us to live our best life.

HOWEVER YOU CHOOSE TO IDENTIFY, KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED

You know what doesn’t matter? What other people think about you. Whoever you are or choose to be, know that it’s a valid choice; more importantly, it’s yours. Nobody else’s. So if somebody is side-eyeing your out-of-place body hair, or giving you hell for not being the ‘right’ kind of non-binary human being, tell them to back right the fuck out yo bidniss.

MY PROBLEM IS WITH THE OPPRESSIVE

It’s salient when social issues are distilled into retweetable memes. They’re both educational and hilarious. There is always someone along life’s journey too ready and willing to tyrannize your situation, and these struggles are all too real.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED THE PERFECT COMEBACK

In some cases, when a loony comes at you and decides to hurl their judgement or lecherous quip at you in public, you need to arm yourself. The best way to do that is to have a ready-made list of stock-taking comebacks to put these losers in their place. Show them the exit.

NOT EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU, JUST LIKE PITCHFORK DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ALL MUSIC

This may just be Grimes taking a sly dig at Pitchfork by subtly fav’ing a tweet that is a relevant life truth. Remember those berks from high school who thought icing was cool? They unfortunately grew up and lurk in the comments sections of most websites. Here’s a good hint: ignore them and feel flattered that they’re spending their precious time commenting on how you decide to live your life.

MY MOOD CHANGES BY THE HOUR, BUT HERE’S A GOOD PREDICTION

Mood: go away.

STAY CURIOUS

Grimes likes science, and this article sounds like the plot of a forthcoming Christopher Nolan film. Apparently, there just might be more to life than the amount of Instagram followeres we amass. The whole idea that we only use a small portion of our brains to get through our everyday also applies to the universe. There may be duplicates of us in alternative universes! Think about it!

“More perplexing, perhaps, is that our universe may be just one of countless others,” the article states. “Space-time’s headlong expansion might have led individual patches to become so far detached as to be independent. Some part of such a vast ‘multiverse’ would be bound to have the life-friendly laws of our own universe – and so our physics could be entirely unrepresentative of the whole.”

IT’S NEVER TOO EARLY, OR TOO LATE, TO CHANGE

According to Givenchy’s creative director Riccardo Tisci, change is the “WHOLE IDEA OF LIFE, BITCH.” So the next time you bump into a rusty acquaintance who decides to remark on just how much you’ve changed, remember they are passing judgement, and pull out this quotable quote.

WOMEN DO NOT WANT IT, NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW, NOT YESTERDAY

Written as a speech and given at New York’s Women Against Pornography rally on October 20, 1979, Andrea Dworkin’s The Lie is still just as prescient today as when it was put to paper 36 years ago.

KEEP YOUR UNCONVENTIONAL TASTES TO YOURSELF, THANKS

Nobody wants to hear about your bedroom fantasies, bar your consenting partner (and maybe not even then). Likening your admission for a weird sexual desire to coming out just doesn’t work, and demeans those who have done so. Your pillow talk? Keep it far the hell away from me.

SNEEZING IS THE BEST WAY TO DISGUISE YOUR FRUSTRATION

Those people you know who sneeze extremely loud? They just might need an outlet to vent their frustrations. This is probably the best life hack you never asked for. Save it for incredibly dull meetings, snoozy dinner parties, or bad conversationalists. Bonus points if you can rally up a nosebleed.