In a year in which men have largely been revealed to be trash, Jeff Goldblum has ascended like a delightful, Prada-wearing pterodactyl, soaring above Hollywood accompanied by a jazz soundtrack. The dad of two, daddy to many, has delighted in TV appearances, interviews, and on his own Instagram account, where posts include wonderful things like his son wearing his Balenciaga Triple S trainers (yes, he has Balenciaga Triple S trainers) and fan art of himself as a centaur. He’s obviously one of the most attractive men to ever have existed (flame emoji), but how did he turn from actor to meme to the one pure thing left on this earth? We investigate.

THE VIRAL LAUGH – FEBRUARY 2009

In February 2009, the world got something it didn't know it needed. An edited video of Jeff Goldblum (as mathematician Dr Ian Malcom)’s laugh from the helicopter scene in Jurassic Park. It turned out to be a pretty early viral video – and naturally, was thoroughly remixed. 

Rating: He’s a meme, not yet an icon. 2/10 Goldblums

THE SHIRTLESS GIFS – 2016

With this particular example described, outrageously, by actor Sam Neill as “stomach-churning”, the shirtless Jeff gifs seem to have started doing the rounds on the internet around 2016 – ensuring the sexual-awakening-via-Dr-Malcolm’s-open-shirt for millions who were too young to experience it in all its glory the first time around.

Rating: The more shirtless Dr Malcolm, the better – but the actual, modern day, flesh and blood Goldblum remains sadly absent from the equation. 4/10 Goldblums

THE SHOWER CURTAIN – AUGUST 2017

Listen, this person’s Twitter is sadly no more so I cannot reach out and find out a) why they have a shower curtain featuring Jeff Goldblum holding a gorilla and b) where I can get one, but this viral tweet from last summer is brilliant for the way owning such a bathroom accessory is in no way addressed as something out of the ordinary. Nothing to see here. 

Rating: With the creation of niche homewares, Goldblum is established as an internet demigod. 6/10 Goldblums

DETAILING HIS DAY FOR SHORTLIST – OCTOBER 2017

This story for Shortlist, quite wonderfully titled: “How Jeff Goldblum spends every second of every day”, is a joy. There’s his morning routine, which includes goats milk in overnight oats, the way he describes his lunch (“I am easily pleased, but I am thrilled, really thrilled with this salad”), and a moment when he pretends to be a German ski instructor seducing a married woman. And finally, his wisdom on approaching life with cheer: “Most days I am a pretty cheerful character. Shall I tell you why? Because I’m grateful, and I practise attention to gratitude... Remember: it’s just good to be alive. Even if you’re just alive. I think it’s miraculously delicious to be alive.”

Rating: I challenge anyone to read this profile and not feel a deep, consuming warmth envelop them. Jeff Goldblum’s ebullience shines through like a beautiful ray of California sunlight glinting off his glasses. 7/10 Goldblums

READING ALOUD TO A WOMAN ON A PLANE, AS DETAILED BY ED NORTON – NOVEMBER 2017

A November 2017 complete oral history of Jeff Goldblum published by GQ (but, tragically, currently displaying a 500 error code) introduced one particular gem to the world: that if you sit next to Jeff Goldblum on a plane and open what looks like an interesting book about Impressionist painters, he might offer to read to you! I, for one, cannot imagine a more aurally stimulating experience. 

Rating: We’re going to need a bigger scale than this 1-10 situation. 12/10 Goldblums

PLAYING EVERY CHARACTER IN A SEX AND THE CITY REBOOT – NOVEMBER 2017

Nothing to say other than: here for it. 

Rating: Hello? HBO? I’d like to report a sequel. 7/10 Goldblums

HAVING A MIGOS MOMENT – JANUARY 2018

Did you know that, to the mild annoyance of his lovely, lovely wife Emilie Livingston, a motherfucking former Olympic gymnast, Jeff Goldblum admits he “does too much” Insta-browsing – including on his own hashtag? I can only imagine that when he saw Quavo browsing the rails in the YSL store in Beverley Hills, he just knew it’d be great for the ‘gram. 

Ranked: An unexpected crossover – but it would be better if it was a musical one. 6/10 Goldblums

THE PRADA SHIRT – JUNE 2018

No one, and I mean no one, wears Prada like Jeff Goldblum wears Prada. In the last year, he’s been spotted in cardigans, knitted polo shirts, that Christophe Chemin print. His personal style is undoubtedly excellent but reached a dizzying pinnacle of wonders when he stepped out in the AW18 50/50 shirt, wearing it for an interview with Jimmy Kimmel. We posted this on @dazedfashion, and all we gotta say is: y’all are wild. 

Rating: That Jeff Goldblum was not among the famous actors who graced the Prada runway for AW12 will go down as one of the greatest oversights in Fashion History, but there is one way to right this wrong: give Jeff Goldblum his own campaign. 10/10 Goldblums

THE ENORMOUS, SHIRTLESS STATUE – JULY 2018

What better way to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Jurassic Park than with a 25ft tall shirtless Jeff Goldblum statue? This popped up in London last week, proving that the Jeff obsession has gone offline and supersized.

Rating: From meme to ridiculously oversized IRL Insta bait, it doesn’t really get any bigger than this. Jeff himself gave the statue a 10/10 Goldblums (followed by ten star emojis!). We’re going to agree.